Incomplete 20 Murdered in Love 13

Talking about experiments, Sharada wondered what must have been God's experiment with her creation. She was dead sure about one thing that it is something to do with "love".

There was a visible difference between Sharada and her friends; the difference was about "very natural and unbelievable". It was not about to be different "consciously"; it was just that the difference was "the conscious". While her friends were busy picking up pieces to run a show, which fulfilled every necessity, luxury or desire of the heart, mind and soul; Sharada was running behind something that she was not clear about. In reality, running behind something leads to nothing.

Women, (not generalizing but capturing certain innate qualities only close to them), have a long list of wants, needs, desires, dreams all interconnected and everything to do with the "other". It could be a living or a non-living thing - like a daughter, son, husband, lover, father, mother, sister, brother, friends or jewellery, clothes etc. And when shot down, its out blamed on the wish list and the "other". However, this entire spectrum of wants, needs, desires do not seem to stop...they go on. There is no threshold for "happiness"; If one is satisfied, it directly indicates complacency or "lacks vigour to grow". If one is "not satisfied", then it means "unhappy" and will "never be happy".

"The Purana suggests that "vasana" (or desires) is an "enemy" of mankind. Overcoming "vasana" is the entire thread-line of this life. One fascinating story of "vasana" stuck to Sharada and she internalized it thoroughly.

A love story of Lord Krishna and Meera (as in Meerabai):

Men and women in Mathura were warned of "little Krishna" for his legendary activities in the villages of Vrindavan and Gokul. Women especially were controlled and were forced to stay away from his "vichitra maya". One such time when Lord Indra showered rains as a result of his fury on the people of Gokul, Lord Krishna came forward to ensure their security. At this time a newly wed couple were travelling from Gokul to Mathura. The bride in her "ghunghat" was instructed to walk her head down and not get distracted by "anyapurush - Krishna or other man". Lord Krishna parallely after performing worship and offering prayers to Mount Govardhan lifted it as a umbrella on the little finger of his right hand so that everyone could take shelter under it. On a run to save lives, the couple ran under Govardhana mountain. The bride lifted her head dropping her ghunghat and the very sight of Krishna put her mind and heart in mixed chaos for having been deprived of this "uttamapurush" or "ultimate man" for so long and that longing for having missed him for years put her in splits. She walked abode with this desire or "vasana" in her.

The "vasana" made her come back to the world as "Meera"; that began the story of Krishna and Meerabai. An eternal, soulful, undying devotion of an ordinary woman to merge with God."

Sharada fathomed into the motives of Meera, as Krishna's Meera. She spiritually questioned if something like that could be experienced? And if it did, then how much it did. Sharada in her "selfishness to understand" was ready to undergo Meerabai's pain only to be merged with Krishna, which of course is impossible. Her realisation of "vasana' in this birth is perhaps a reminder to her that she is carrying it for ages along with her. She would love to call herself a reincarnation of Meera, which of course was very cliched.

Her tryst with Krishna, her own Krishna in the form of man, or her "vasana" carried for so long, created a reasoning to be different. She was running behind the "unbelievable" - of acquiring moksham in the living world.

Sharada's cards were obviously, one of love. Representing new or renewed love that tends to sweep off one's feet and give that feeling of security and happiness. A time opening up to celebrate love, a new romance, a first intimate relationship. He is somewhere on the horizon and a new love is about to bloom. A focus on bringing back that spark and to live life to the fullest only to remember always that love overcomes all.

1982, February, as a result of love, Anirudh was born to lovely young parents.

Incomplete 19 Murdered in Love 12

Another long night of thoughts.

Just like in a painting, imagine a place, a mountain ridge, a few meters away a small beautiful house, just adjacent to it a big banyan or mango tree, a stream flowing towards the south, all around greenery, one gets everything to eat - fruits, vegetables, chocolates, dreamy clothes to wear, everything everything one can imagine of....but this place will not have people. Is it possible to live in such a place? Why do we need people? To see, hear, talk , feel?

Lets take it like this, God creates a place for each and every man / woman, the way it is in the painting. God can do that, meaning, He can create or give such a place. And then we all live in our individual space and enjoy life. We have not experienced it and we get terrorized in our minds that its absolutely impossible. Step back for a while, actually it is possible. What is impossible is to come out of a world we are all living.

Magnetic is this world of life and death. Magnetic it is to have people around. We are so used to this that we cannot opt for something, which is absolutely sans all these. Such is the case when you crash it down to life, love, a man and woman relationship. A woman keeps “a human form” warm for nine months; and a man keeps a woman warm every night and that chain of happening cannot be compromised. It is magnetic.


Break it down to the daily routine, brushing, bathing, praying, ensuring to check the mobile phone every one hour, ensuring to check mails, ensuring to log on to computers and so on so forth. Every little activity in a day is of great significance to all of us.

Similarly, in love life, people come and go; leaving some thing behind something worthy yet worthless. All we do is “do not remember to forget” or “do not forget to remember”. Question to God is if He knows to do it right then why do wrong at all; if He knows that we are strong then why test at all? God can take it all, call him a sadist and He will smile at it.

Creator, Protector, Destroyer – Rakshashas, a creation of God are blessed/ given boon as well destroyed by them. Why do all this at all, infact God has some regrets and to begin with to have created this world with man and woman. Learnings’ – wish we could communicate to God on an interim basis and enable him execute and do course corrections or implement some contingency plans. Why have a fish, then a bone and an analysis to this?

The taste of “love” is so compelling that you cant get over it; memories, feelings for people who come and go in life, just remains. Some teach lessons, some becomes lessons in itself. Some teach and learn lessons. Some cases there is zilch learning or teaching, however, it doesn't go at all.

Brahma created one man, the name is Anirudh.

HE created Anirudh with paint brush and music in mind. An out and out creative mind. Anirudh means abstract thoughts. Anirudh means intelligent and clever. Anirudh means attractive. Anirudh means sexy of everyone. Anirudh means handsome. Anirudh means changing personality. Anirudh means temperamental, quiet, shy and humble. Anirudh means honest. Anirudh means determined to reach goals. Anirudh means freedom. Anirudh means rebellious when restricted. Anirudh means aggressiveness. Anirudh means too sensitive. Anirudh means anger. Anirudh means sharp. Anirudh means daring and stubborn. Anirudh means entertainment. Anirudh means dreams. Anirudh means hopes. Anirudh means leisure. Anirudh means superstitious. Anirudh means ludicrous. Anirudh means danger. Anirudh means emotions. Anirudh means love. Anirudh means “touch”.

Everything was touchy about him, a touchy family background, carried a touchy love-story. He will touch and rumple the sari, touch and roll the dupatta, touch and tousle the hair, touch and smoulder the shoulders, touch and weaken the movement. His fingers magically sketched emotions over digital screens. Definitions, analogy’s dont stop; one can just go on and on to describe somebody who just sweeps in like a wind and ruffles up everything and never to go away at all.

Sharada’s experience with an “experiment”.

Incomplete 18 Murdered in Love 11

Butter and earth, it is still to be seen if world ends in 2012, but for Grandma, she walked abode just before that.

She left behind a feeling of emptiness and an empty Sharada. It simply reiterates that whatever be the difference between them, whatever good or bad vibes they shared, all the time during the time they lived, they thought about each other or atleast tried to enter each other’s mind.

Sharadambal and Sharada, a grandmother and a granddaughter, so much alike and yet so different. The first to start a lineage the other to end it. She died incomplete, Sharada was living incomplete.

The last rites were performed by men and women. Some lamented, some quiet, some sniffing, Jai and his family were neutral and left alone. They had very limited role to play. It is a bane and boon to be connected in the same family. And when the connection is both paternal and maternal, it is excess baggage. Jai and Sharada were tied up for a lifetime but then the difference now was that they were not anymore tied-up.

Madhuri (Jai’s wife), Dhruv were not new for Sharada. Dhriti, the daughter was new and whatever little noises were happeneing at that time in the house was by her. She would try to crawl around, pull clothes, or just run into the places were all the ceremonial things were spread. It had become a round of activity for Madhuri and Jai to keep watch on her. Madhuri would not meet Sharada’s eye and vice versa. Jai was trying to ease the air, however, it did very little help.

A vacuum, a sign to explode; and when something has fallen like death, a fear surrounds. All the activities are calculative, everyone has this particular respect and tone to the language and volume used, every one around works towards correction, there are no difference of opinion. Believe it or not, no one is an enemy. Its so surreal, which is not seen in the living world or the born world. With birth comes no apprehensions, a loud celebration, everything noisy, there is happiness with chaos, and many people opinionating. A profound contradiction.

When there was nothing much to do, all one does is watch and observe or think. But this time for a change, it was Jai’s turn. Jai faced a similar situation a couple of years ago when he lost his father. The first SMS or message was to Sharada or perhaps the last one – either way, Sharada was attending them the night he lost his father. When the last rites were performed, it was a mandate for a daughter-in-law to perform a certain action, however, Sharada’s role was unclear. A classic situation, here is a woman who has spent six years physically and the rest mentally with a family that owned and disowned her. Sharada did not wait for anybody’s instruction, she just managed to get into one of the sari’s in the house and got herself completely drenched and performed the rites. She didnt bother about the world or the legal implications, for her it was a father, more than her husband’s.

Jai observed Sharada closely and this time he had something else to see. Sharada had changed a lot, she looked younger as she aged (probably a comparison to women who generally look different after two kids); Sharada’s hair were not long, she had started using contact lens, blacks were replaced by purples, unlike her active and to do stamina – she had restrained and would not do anything. Jai’s curiousity was to know if Sharada was married or engaged to be married or still single.

Jai’s immaturity, opportunistic traits, detachment, defense, feeling of someone still attracted to him or yearing for him still existed. He treated Madhuri the same way, just that Madhuri ensured to add salt appropriately in proper places in the right dishes. For Jai it was a bonus point - when Sharada was around, Madhuri yearned for him. The only interesting twist here - that Jai wasnt aware to conclude if Sharada still yearned for him.

All the formalities concluded, with the door open, the day ended at 11.00 pm. Nirmala had drained. The newly weds were very accomodative, they chose to stay back and help Nirmala. Meera and Madhuri were an item, kids around just eased things.

Sharada, if anytime blessed was in this birth for her parents, who were the biggest pillars of support. They understood that their relation with Sharada would be perfect if they stayed away from her and thats exactly what they did. The distance was important for all the individuals in the family. They were happy to know Sharada was okay and living independently. For them a call every month or once in two months was enough. The pain was deep yet fine. Sometimes one has to pay the price for being parents. Children realise it very late. Sharada loved them and didnt want to burden them with her recurring life with the past.

Sharada’s parents bittered and their glands boiled at the very sight of Jai. Like Sharada they had also refused to forgive Jai. Father flashed back the day Jai entered the house and slammed Sharada for being abnormal and shouting on top for not making him a father. Father was a strength and the weakness both, but that day he said “leave him”, he isnt worth a man.

The house was deep asleep, a weary look, Sharada stay awake in her room and she turned her head around to see a shadow approaching her. It was Jai. They were so used to each other, even after years it didnt really make any difference. It was like the same, two people or individuals in a room. The air was same, without tightness. Sharada went back to her position facing the window. Jai with a heavy sigh initiated a dialogue.

Jai: Have I been replaced?

(Sharada: “a long silence”)

Jai: (after a little while) This answer will help me.

(Sharada: “a long silence”)

Jai realised how deep it hurt her and how long. He turned around and as he walked towards the door.

Incomplete 17 Murdered in Love 10

Present

Churning of butter: as in young days, grandma constantly narrated a story about “how the world will end”. She was confident, it will be during her lifetime. A very strong statement like, “I will die just before the world ends”. Here was a woman who had not gone to school but she had lived with laptops and webcams. If Sharada remembered it well, it was in 5^th grade, grandma churned butter with a wooden stick that had a bottom which looked like rudraksh, she would keep a vessel filled with butter milk in between her feet and rubbed her palms against the stick back and forth.

Sharada had seen the butter floating magnificiently on the top, sometimes it was yellow in colour and sometimes in white. A portion at the bottom would be sunk into water. However, when she had reached 21, it was exactly upside down, most of the butter sunk and a small portion out. According to grandma “butter” was earth and the surrounding - water. This thought could have been the result of hearsay knowledge by men in the house or just gossips. As predicted 2012 might be the end of world ;). Do not know about the world, but what she strongly believed in was coming true.

Grandma’s eyes and lips widened when she set her eyes on Jai and his family. Grandma still continues to believe that it was Sharada’s folly to have lost out on Jai. It is hard to face reality, contrary to what ever people observe, it requires a certain amount of strength to accept “guilt” also it requires a certain level of maturity to keep truth wrapped up. It was upto Jai to come out and say what made him do what he did. But then life is like that, some things just stay unanswered. Unless a story unfolds from the horse’s mouth.

Now the clock ticked 8, Grandma called everyone around her, she asked Sharada to slope closer to her; Grandma took out her hands and rubbed her palms around her face gesturing her love to her. She just whispered, I will talk to God for you. Sharada smiled and a thought chuckled - that grandma was confident that she will go to heaven ;)

For grandma - life was complete except for this one granddaughter Sharada. Grandma felt the gap, she felt her own life was incomplete and she wanted some moksham; some where a feeling that Jai was always in Sharada’s heart and mind. May be she went through a quick flashback and wondering where she could have done corrections; but then she had very little choice. An ideal death would have been to see all her son’s, daughter’s, grand daughter’s, grand son’s, with their families settled.

Grandma kept chanting, so were others. “Narayana, narayana, narayana”

Unlike other houses, there was nothing loud about the news, just little sniff’s and tears in eyes. Some people whispered and the elders discussed about the last rites.

During her college days, Sharada troubled grandma by pressing the door bell hard and call her out loudly, Paattttiiii..... going to such such place - a way to run away....and before grandma could answer.....OOOOOOOOO di......

Sharada whispered “Paati”, It was 8.15 am, a silence for a long and last time.

Incomplete 16 Murdered in Love 9

"Infidelity" – thought borrowed from a friend

There is no word called "fidelity", human body and mind is designed in a way that it will get attracted to the opposite sex more than once. "Infidelity" is a word coined or innovated by two psychological beings called a "man" and "woman". Love, Marriage and Sex are three independent activities or things. However, over a period, the institution called Marriage has been politically, theoretically and democratically abused. In order to protect human beings from "infidelity" (which of course does not exist), people creatively brought two individuals together into a web called "marriage" and when one is in "marriage" a social norm, directive - man and woman have to perform certain activities that entails duties of a lifetime. A topic - very debatable, there are definite advantages and disadvantages.

Currently, "marriage" is in decline; a trend supported by generation now. The demo graphical or statistical index is not the point, the point is there is acceptance to this change in the mind of every individual (at least the youth today). If you closely dissect "marriage" - it is imperfect; as the world is swiftly running towards a perfected world (technology, computers, 3D's, satellites etc); soon youth will find it difficult to cope with something as imperfect as marriage - never know, the world can embrace something imperfect in a thoroughly perfect world - because its boring!!!

Take a look at mythological stories, history and our great great grand in-inheritance, polygamy is portrayed very well. Except for Draupadi, there are no other polyandry stories.

So talking about "love-making", as earlier said, if one does not have sex, then it is boiled down to only one thing called "infidelity". And what a best way to accuse a person than this. It is very easy to clean up a place and very difficult to maintain that place clean! Unless people who want it clean at the beginning of the week, dirty during the week and cleaning up at the end of the week-end.

Sharada in the process of cleaning up, she was taking into her all the dirt spread around her. Dipped in dirt, all she could do was wash herself again and again, failing to clean the dirt thrown at her.
Jai's intentions were always conspicuous. On the exterior he was the best husband in the world and in the interior he was completely detached. Sharada knew the brush, paste, soap, brand of clothes, ties, shoes, bags, specs, food, colour, odour, oil, bullet - bike, cars, Germany and their tennis players, actors, every little thing that Jai liked or used. On the contrary Jai a detached soul that he was had no clue about Sharada. On special occasions “acknowledgments” were more like an obligation than willingness.

Sharada never questioned Jai when he spent the entire day at his friend's place, or made certain remarks on people who were innocent, sometimes his rationale went on to hit her parents - that even was okay. Sharada was deaf, dumb and blind. She heard only what Jai said, spoke what he wanted her to say and saw everything that he made her see. It is difficult to relate to someone like Sharada- so giving and loving.

Jai was completely unaware of instances at home, whether its his mother, father or any distant cousin. His callous approach to have six or seven friends in the house only to be served 100 to 200 rotis any part of the day was another welcome note in the family. The faith was remarkable, Sharada learnt only to give - time, energy, youth and her money.

The group of friends remained common for Sharada and Jai; that was a reason for Sharada to venture out new friends. She wanted somebody she could share and completely neutral who could give directions. But that didnt seem to be working, as Jai found it easier to pick up and box this as unfaithful trait. Sharada had to resort to nothing but just withdraw.

A “man” conscious of his identity and image in the society, Jai obliged everyone by taking on to the next stage of manhood- “grihasta.” A shrewd mind that knew opposition will ruin his representation in the family. Married and yet didnt know the meaning of marriage. His sharp mind, quick to assess Sharada’s weakness, played games of which the portrayal was genuine but was well planned. It was only a matter of convenience when he convinced Sharada that love-making was not on cards, its best to give time for settlement. An obedient Sharada followed his words. For many such years, Sharada’s brain had stopped working and agreed to everything Jai said. In marriage physical intimacy is an extension of feelings, but when there are no feelings, what can one do?

Donning a role that Sharada understood of a "wife" seemed to be not working; a change after four years, posing to fight the right for information act was not taken well. Its a weird transformation. When questions started pouring in, it was again a matter of convenience for Jai to blame it all on Sharada. Sharada was now trying to don and take control of Jai as a wife, it was too late. By the time Sharada wanted to take up that role, Jai had moved away, accusing her as an abnormal being and not able to make him a father. Shattered, blown apart and broken Sharada when wanted to explain there was no one to hear. Love can also become hypocritic, it kills you because it makes you what you dont want to be. Jai was an expert in shielding; nobody knew his relationship outside of marriage.

An astute and intelligent mind always knows how to play games with the other mind. Praising a woman’ beauty is a beautiful thing but if the same is done to put one down it becomes a plot/ a scheme/ a manipulation. Sharada an innocent mind was filled with complexities when it came to her beauty. This facet of her was always a subject of continuous criticism. Twisting words to one’s favour is indeed an art, an art which is either present by birth or aquired with experience. Former is applicable with Jai, as he always knew this marriage was not meant to be worked on and cleverly used Sharada’s vulnerability to his interest.

An excuse to Sharada’s advancements and queries would usually be a topic diverted towards “how there are other things important than a personal life”, “how a friend’s wife looked” or “dressed”. It was better than saying “ you dont attract me” “you are overweight” and so on. And if Sharada tried to discuss change of appearance, it was a taboo.

A caged bird, Sharada was just a prey to his intentions and all her actions were eventually controlled by Jai.

"Irony" an ideal word, lets encapsulate, a case where two individuals fall head over heals and get married with a large number of witnesses but their wedding is not legally registered. They live a perfect married life with their extended family and don responsibilities as householders, however do not consummate the marriage. Reality started glaring Sharada, she was standing alone at the airport only to see Jai fly away into a world where she could not reach. Sharada had nothing to be legalized to get separated and no hard feelings to be addressed as a divorcee....she stayed all through "single"...a journey started that ended in 6 years straight......

Questions like what happened to her studies? where were her parents? what happened to in-laws? If Jai had anything to do with this? Or what was he doing all the while?......the answer is straight, it remains unanswered. Sharada only whispered to herself - "Jai you could have told me the truth"

Incomplete 15 Murdered in Love 8

“Slow poison”; the equivalent is ARR’s music; it takes a while to sink in your blood, that’s how it is when you are consuming something “new-different”. (music is positive energy)

However, as already said Love is intelligent; Love combined with marriage is “new-different” and here it necessarily need not be positive energy because one doesnt get to know how and how slowly one is getting poisoned to death.

People like Sharada, young, naive, gullible, fresh, plunge on to take the reigns and start running the show, not realising where it is heading. A thought of being an “expert” is what comes to them, however in reality and simple words its called “coping up.” Family is first; on a run to make everything perfect, some things fall apart. In the process you earn accolodes and some at times critical showdowns. Nonetheless, all miss to see something missing. The years turn like pages of a book and all the work sinks into a drain.

It is rightly said, one hates to listen or believe a “fact” that cannnot be digested. That is what happened with Jai and Sharada; a fact that none were ready to accept.

Sharada and Jai, though slow with their career growth; didnt really mind the monies; for they had earned a lot of friends and love around.

Jai stood best for everyone, pampared by parents, polluted by friends, encouraged by Sharada. A sense of pride to have achieved lot of things at a very early age; and there is lot of time to acquire many more in this world.

For Sharada it was “freedom”, unlike what she has been experiencing at grandma’s home, here she had people who encouraged her to pursue education, take up a job, learn riding, pursue activities like singing, dancing and everything that Sharada probably thought would be history.

It was about the present, and when you live in the present there is nothing called “moment of unhappiness”.

A privately made promise between Jai and Sharada proved to be the biggest mistake of their life. When a secret is kept a secret, it is trouble; again the same secret if it is out, it is disastrous. It is communication, whatever one communicates – people want to hear only what they want to hear; it really does not matter what actually is communicated.

“Love making” an integral part of married life did not happen to Jai and Sharada. A chosen decision between them and why? there is no perfect answer for this. There were several excuses, not reasons. And when you get busy with life; all the parameters laid down remains just factors in a piece of paper or a part of one’s memory ruining the journey.

“Guilt” a big word.

Sharada had cooked a delicious dinner, that comprised a vegetable pulao, a side dish kurma, a raitha but she had forgottem to add salt. Thats exactly was her married life. Everything was right but the menu card of a “wife” had a role to play and that “element called sex” was missing.

Borrowing a conversation; somebody had said “never feel guilty of any mistake, its a big word”; according to this, a mistake can be rectified or apologised, however, guilt could not be. And why because “one is not responsible for all the personal actions, sometimes God plays a bigger role”. But this is a far-fetched feeling and a matter of convenience. This is what exactly happens; love directs you to think as well feel. At times love will compell you to feel that you are the culprit; and in the same scale make you realise you are a “victim” as well.

How-much-ever one tries to fulfill and make the “man” happy in love and marriage; if the “man” is unhappy then the entire relationship is screwed. No matter proving or converting as a daughter / sister to in-laws or mere a maid servant - to wash and clean the dirt from clothes and bathrooms for the longest, youngest years; Salt missed in life is losing everything in life.

Sharada and Jai were habituated to each other; it used to be like early morning, afternoon, evening and night chores. They always exchanged beautiful smiles, wonderful jokes, delicious food, colourful clothes. The mouth would not stop, it was always go chatter chatter - talking, hearing and vice versa. Sometimes their conversations of “love-making” had theories – either innovated or discovered. Jai conferred that Sharada is everything for him, and it really didnt matter if they had sex or kids. Sharada conferred that “love making” was not important and passed everyday with guilt, thinking that she could not attract Jai at any count. When she touched Jai, nothing happened to her.

There was no denial, Sharada loved Jai a lot and vice-versa; but why did they not make love to eachother. “Chemistry” is it important?

Biological necessity as in men, does not really happen with women, unless they experience. Here was a case where Sharada had not experienced anything to even talk about it; she would not want in the first place. To avoid all kinds of deliberations, resorting to excuses like “not yet ready to become a mother” started flowing the floor.

Some things made Sharada very vulnerable; pressure from house, questions from friends, not being able to communicate or share. Sharada could not articulate or be in silence. She was a part of a family, there were many responsibilites, at the same time a growing woman.

Four years passed by and none realised that she was growing with them not just horizontally but also mentally. She had thoughts of her own, learnt or heard.

When one talks bad things about a person, ears and eyes are open. The next time any move made by that person will be treated cautiously. Try talking good about people, ears and eyes are trained only to take good things; they will not open for any critical input about that person.

Jai and Sharada’s four long years of fascinating, enduring ride skid; a ride that required a little bit of direction.

Every marriage has problems; every marriage has solutions, excepting that, its always a new problem, leaving no room for right directions.

A long patient wait only to fall apart.

Incomplete - 14 Murdered in Love - 7

Beginning 1995 Jai Kaushik, perfect. Tall, fair, handsome, 5’10’’, working in a top pharmaceutical company, a rare blend of logic and creativity, poet, quick witted, mathematical genius, pursuing MBA from a leading University. A best fit to be written on all matrimonial columns, a dream for all the women. Sharada, short, wheatish complexioned, stout, the only appeal in her face are the dimpled cheeks, mischievous glint in her eyes (which were of course hidden behind her spectacles) as well her long hair. The first time it was on a photograph, Sharada just detested the very discussion of marriage. Grandma was adamant, and here was a family, who wanted to take her as their daughter-in-law. Sharada was forced to look into the photograph, and that changed her life forever, her heart skipped a beat. She wondered until now, how could somebody so perfect be her future. She wouldn’t have dared to dream for a man like Jai Kaushik. But sometimes, imperfections are so perfect. People, relatives, friends, everyone were jealous about this match. Both their families exchanged vows and the dates were yet to be announced. Star partners in every sense, nothing could go wrong for this taurian and virgo, Jai and Sharada – beginning of an instant love story. The two year courtship was like a roller-coaster ride. Highs, lows, blues, pinks, Sharada hardly remembers any day that has gone sour between them. Except for Jai’s autocracy, which Sharada loved. A zing of dependability is independence for every woman; an emotional dependability. Sharada lived every moment for the future. She was a part of Jai’s family now; their seemed no hiccups for her unlike the new bees. A cinema-scope comedy filled movie, bright coloured photography with a tinge of black for sophistication, texture of cotton hung across a hill for art, classic tamil and Malayalam songs were the background scrore, love lyrics by friends, choreography in bharatanatyam and kuchipudi, dialogues were sweet nothings and direction by God. Yes, before they could blink and open their eyes, Sharada and Jai were at the feet of “Lord Krishna” in Guruvayoor. Sharada’s father conferred her hand to Jai; they got ready for a lifetime tie-up, that’s how their weding cards read. As they climbed down the aisle, Jai had a victorious thumbs-up, very young and yet too early, a four years difference was also perfect. A loving mother-in-law, a caring father-in-law, an adoring bro-in-law; that set the beginning of a perfect love, family and life. The first night something very special for the newly we couple and this one for Sharada and Jai was one to be remembered. Sharada was not new to the family; and hence for her everything seemed cool, she does not remember shedding a tear, as she left her family to a new home. They had left Guruvaryoor to their destination house, however, the drive was tiring and by the time the family was home, it was dark, power cut around (a sign!). The mother-in-law picked up a bronze vilakku (diya) to welcome. Everything led in dark with a ream of light coming out of the vilakku (diya). A white cloth laid on floor dressed with rice puffs, tired both entered the house. As they finished their customary round of puja and Prasad, they had to stay in the dark for about 30 minutes cracking jokes before the power came back. As they planned for dinner, Sharada was up and ready to lend her helping hand, that night the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law cooked food. Sharada was busy cleaning the floor and vessels. It was almost midnight, and Sharada with a little hesitation stayed in the sit-out wondering what next, a little push by her mother-in-law made her enter the bed-room. The room was not decked up like the movies, it was an ordinary bed room, and Jai was tired, waiting. Jai spoke logical things about transport, expenses, food, and friends and so on, Sharada kept listening to all these, the tiredness in them literally pulled their eyes and soon Jai fell asleep, tired and snoring. Sharada’s eyes were wide open and didn’t know when she went into deep peaceful sleep.