Incomplete 30 Murdered in Love 23

Present 2010

Forgetfulness’ and time are interdependent. It is important to forget and only with time it happens. Sharada encountered within herself that she had forgotten some parts of her journey. Jai and Anirudh had same impact in her life; but the intensity was different. One was rotten and the other fresh. May be after ten long years at 45, this will be just a matter of the past. Unlike Jai, Anirudh will not be anywhere in the vicinity. But they both stay as long as Sharada stays.

Like a trend, on a positive note what did they both teach or leave behind; one grew her up and the other grew up with her; transition of a girl to a woman, and then a woman to a mother.

In the name of marriage – so unfulfilling; in the name of love – so fulfilling. Yet so “incomplete”; married yet not legalized; love yet so fake; a mother yet empty. Sharada was complete yet incomplete. Jai, was an encounter with slow poison. Anirudh, an encounter with danger. Sharada’s murderous journey of love. Jai and Anirudh – Rest in peace for now.

Grandmother owned a “thodu” – a diamond earring (the only one she had) and had decided to pass it on to Sharada; on the condition that Sharada gave her a grandson or a granddaughter. It never happened. Sharada hoped if grandmother was around she could communicate her apologies for not bringing “it” out into the world.

Sharada, her window and the village; this time the temple bells quivered her thoughts. It was 5 am, “Shivarathiri” had started, like every other festival, this too had its significance and kids had started writing “om namaha shivaya”, chanting slogans and the village was loud in a celebrating mood. They had to stay jagran the whole night and Sharada heard them all discussing the plans.

But for the house it was the beginning of a 13 day ceremonial mourning time, some had to leave and some would stay.

Sharada closed her window for one last time, not knowing when it would be open again. She draped her grandma’s nine yard sari along the same poles and took bath, this time there was no inhibitions or fear of honor. As she pleated and arranged her sari, Jai entered the room; like old times he helped her with the safety pin and kept talking to her about his travel plans. He wanted her to join them as they returned back. Sharada agreed to whatever he said.

The bags were packed, parents and relatives continued with their duties; no pressure whatsoever, Sharada didn’t have the mandate to stay back. She entered her paati’s room.

She touched all the things she liked about her grandmother, especially the books Ramayana, Mahabharata and Bhagvatham, her glasses that she used only while reading, all the pictures which she posed right, her “madisar puduvai”, small telephone index, address book and a pen. As Sharada prepared to turn around, her sari stuck under the pillow, as she removed it, she saw something shinning, on a close look, she realized it were the earrings. Sharada recalled that grandmother had whispered something into her ears “thodu” “thodu”, she mistook it to “touch” and Sharada kept touching her.

Tears just rolled her cheeks; she held it and kissed them intensely.

Incomplete 29 Murdered in Love 22

Anirudh turned up four times in ten months, unaware & scared to communicate. Sharada now wanted to listen to his decision than his ambiguity.

Sharada’s poem followed by a spiteful law and order driven mail pricked Anirudh’s conscious; Sharada wanted her dignity in some form or other. A token to restore it, a paper to seal, a promise to continue or break it up! Her faith was hanging that Anirudh “loved her” and did not want to sue him, in spite of persuasion from friends.

“Humanitarian Grounds” somebody close to Anirudh whispered - on humanitarian grounds. Sharada wasn’t broke anything more than this.

Reality: It turned out to be that Anirudh never loved Sharada. He wanted to irk Diya and came back to Sharada on his birthday. But things were not working fine and only to make Diya feel more jealous, he got physically intimate to Sharada. But this is all; he wanted to stop it there. Because he was almost close to getting there with Diya once he flew to Germany.

Unaware of all this, Sharada was coming back to him and this made him feel guilty and on “humanitarian grounds” Anirudh continued to keep her happy and whilst it was against his heart and mind, he was throwing tantrums. Sharada’s patience baffled him, so he continued to use every other method – from insults to physical abuses - but she kept hanging there. Pregnancy was not a matter because he had put his guilt on God. And finally when Sharada encountered his mails to Diya all the time she was around along with her pictures secretly taken, it shattered her.

Sharada liberated Anirudh; one last time she laid there on his laps only to realize every feeling as insignificant as it could be only to know the truth that Anirudh never ever loved her.

Sharada, an emotional fool.

“A note from Sharada’s personal diary

obviously he doesn’t love
obviously he isn’t going to marry
obviously he knows for sure he has hurt me
obviously he knows that he doesn’t want to hurt me more
obviously he feels that he cant keep me happy
obviously he isn’t that happy with me
obviously he isn’t trustworthy
obviously he knows am older and not the one he wants in life
obviously he cant get hurt because he does not deserve me
obviously there are better girls in life
obviously she is the perfect women
obviously if not for me he wouldnt have ditched her
obviously if not for diya he wouldnt have come to me
obviously he wanted somebody to show his irritation
obviously he wanted somebody to show his anger
obviously he wanted to show his helplessness for not getting what he wanted
obviously he was disappointed
obviously he isnt me
obviously he found solace
obviously I pulled him down
obviously I was a dictator
obviously I am not him
obviously I didnt keep him happy
obviously I can get hurt because I want him
obviously I killed myself
obviously he killed me

at no point he will be able to justify his act
at no point will he say he is guilty even if he is
may be he also feels he is guilty
he cannot prove anything right because
obviously he cant convince me GOD!
I am responsible for whatever happened

He never said he loves me
I said I love him
He never said he will marry me
I said I would like to marry him
He never said he is committed
I said if he isn’t then I will leave him
He never said he had sex with me
I asked him if he did
He said he never used me
I asked him if he is using me
He initiated, I flowed
He abused, I allowed
He authored, I wrote
He liked, I joined
He hated, I cried
He left, I waited
He told it will get complicated
I told him if it is so then we should not complicate
Outcome:I lost my virginity, I lost something born"

Incomplete 28 Murdered in Love 21

(Readers feel free / allowed to skip this)

Depression! Sharada locked in the house for three months. Destruction! Several attempts to kill herself. Ashrams, temples, charities, but still she could not come out of Anirudh.

Weakness, weakness and more weakness of the body and mind; there are remedies in this world - God.

She kept reading the 2nd Chapter of the Bhagwad Gita, which summarises the entire Holy Song: starts with Arjuna's grief and then the final Kurukshetra battle.

A verse in it "Active Resistence to Evil", is the central idea in the doctrine expounded by Lord Krishna in the Gita. Sharada perfectly believed this; her moods were switching between tolerance as "mother earth" and dangerous as "mother Kali".

When God created this entire universe; he performed slow theatre plays; however HE realised it is time to end his skit and had started moving the "fast forward" button and one need not wait for another "birth" to redeem the present or earlier birth.

Sharada’s state of mind is something of "A KLAIBYAM" (means the mental attitude of one who is neither masculine enough to feel a passionate courage and daring, nor womanly enough to feel the soft emotions of hesitation and despair) "a grief" "a coward" "an idealistic" "shattered mental equilibrium" "pity" "hysterical" - various neurotic diseases called the "Arjuna Disease" which resonates to "Krishna Cure".

In the Mahabharata, Arjuna argues to Krishna and finally in the end he says "it is better for me to "die" unarmed than kill my own kinsmen and have no pleasure of winning the Kingdom". Philosophically "wretched are those who act for results"; now take a look: Pandavas and Kauravas played the game to "win", however, not aware of Shakuni's cunningness. So they played for a result "to win"; when one says wretched are those who act for results, meaning people in their desired prompted activities directly incurring new vasanas and never will be liberated.

Here is the parallel: what are desires to Sharada?

Love or Love making: an overrated, painful experience. Why man and woman perform an act that pains them - "yes the result is a child"; so anybody performing an act not looking forward for a result are not wretched. And this is when the definition changes and conveniently defined as "making love" for what again?

Today Sharada, at this point is relieved because there was a result, and it rings clearly to her that Anirudh confided and performed an action of love and not sex.

Child: Sharada committed sin.

Has Sharada incurred new vasanas? No.

But, Sharada has committed sin. God gave her a chance knowing that she was brave; however, she just wanted to restore a promise, a promise which was never made between two people. It was faith of one she restored. When a man thinks of objects, attachment comes, from attachment comes desires, from desires comes anger, from anger delusion, from delusion "loss of memory", then "destruction of discrimination" and finally he perishes.

Sharada is not perfect; she is perished from a moral sense. And her dharma says to restore dignity.

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"The sin that is committed by killing one who does not deserve is as great a sin of NOT killing the one who deserves to be......Bhagwad GITA". Sin is only a mistake committed by a misunderstood "individual ego" against its own Divine Nature.

Sharada' birthday, and an alien body of 47 days. Fear, image, future, everything seemed to collapse on her face. Nobody was to be blamed; not even the foetus. She just didnt want to talk about it to anyone but then it was inevitable. Clandestinity in a realtionship just tears one apart, she could not confide to anyone. And if she did, then she would retrieve it back. An indication to Anirudh, broke him & he went into silence. Between them there were only precautions and no promises or plans. Celebrate or do what?, a day to be remembered, horrifying was her birthday. Anirudh was awake all night beside her; and Sharada mourned to take a decision. A fibred rod entered her and dissolved something born; may be a boy or girl.

It is cruel to even scribe, sin is the word. She kept her promise to the one who had not promised anything.

The year ended peacefully only to unfold and end. Anirudh was waiting for an opportunity, and now it was Sharada's turn to get erroneous. Hormonal changes in the body started working on Sharada. Literal imbalances, fear of rejection, mistrust, insecurity, infringement, imposing, and get worried for nothing, fights; anger - all together played the worse. Continuously for a month they had fights, over everything. Like all, said all, Sharada accused Anirudh of using her emotionally, physically and financially. She walked out on him slapping him hard, not once but many times. Eighteen days of test; Anirudh never came back. Sharada begged him, but then theories are only one sided. Cursed was she, another exile but this time there was no hope.

The relationship came out in the open first to her closest friends and her other friends and many other friends. She spoke to some and some spoke to other some. But then nothing could be done to save or take the relationship forward. Some wanted Sharada to sue him, some forgive, some reasoned that it was her mistake, some reasoned that he was immature, some were critical, some were compassionate, some angry, some cried with her. It affected many and most of all Sharada herself.

Away from everyone and everything, Sharada completely contaminated started her cleansing process.

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Try playing a song on windows media player; some colourful animated lines glide on the monitor; they sometimes go rhythmically with the song or they have been seen to be digitized intelligently that one feels it is dancing to the tunes....strangely it also makes you feel very disturbed.

Sharada's admissions were pronounced, and she was through with her part in the first innings of the relationship. She had moved out then never to come back. But the second innings was shouldered by Anirudh. It was getting difficult for him, as it was evident he was controlling the threads.

Things are getting visually clear that this was not about two individuals, it was about two generations in a relationship. A boy who is straight seven years younger than a woman; both came from different school of thoughts that intersect each other, however do not meet.

Sharada's mental state of mind was moving exactly like those digital waves on the computer screens. It is very difficult to comprehend and analyse that what happens between two people when only one is talking about it. The truth was - only Sharada was talking about it and Anirudh was in the oblivion. Two definite things happen in a journey of love. One, you love and cherish moments. Two, you don't love and conceal guilt.

Anirudh was waiting for one event to nail Sharada, but unfortunately every such incident happened Sharada remained unaware of his intentions. Unlike her younger days Sharada was not naive, but she was still very vulnerable. Grey areas were acceptable for her, but black and white in a relationship was very important. Unfortunately, Anirudh's intentions never materialized, because he continued damaging beyond repair.

There were three instances when Anirudh became physically violent on Sharada. Sharada in her defense would destruct her own self. The reasons behind all physical hurts were very trivial, but Anirudh's reasoning would be exaggerated, sometimes posed as Sharada's folly. Before Sharada could confront and take a decision about him, Anirudh would fall on her feet and apologize. Anirudh had shared that his mother was also a recipient of such actions. Sharada only empathised that Anirudh was doing everything that he is not and Sharada just could not take it. Anirudh's "love was incredible but "hate" was unbelievably turbulent. And the times when such incidents happen, whatsoever, Anirudh would not bear the drift. Sharada sometimes intentionally stayed away but then it would hurt him even more. The one way theory - "Sharada was supposed to forgive him because it was him".

A man wants to see his mother in his wife; and here was a man who acknowledged Sharada exactly like his mother; from food to silence. But sealed his mouth, mind and heart to accept her in the way he had conceived. Anirudh sprinkled all "expectations to grow" in Sharada's mind, but as said this is only one way theory. It was not acceptable for Sharada to expect.

Anirudh made Sharada believe everything but what she was. Anirudh had completely taken over Sharada's senses - mental, emotional and physical. Sharada allowed it and he kept entering in without walls. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months as passed; Sharada and Anirudh could not find an answer to their relationship. But as lovers, they did spend time meeting eachother, travelling, watching movies, ideating, fighting, laughing, playing, making love, sharing all the low's and highs etc.

Sharada's emotional responsibility by choice was literally a little overdone. How could one being a woman do this but yes Sharada did this as well. She encouraged Anirudh of his photography skills and it was a meeting of mind sorts and just after their love making session, she stood nude for his creative satisfaction.

Raising of eyebrows? well truth always does. Honestly if one looks at it, its just between two people who love each other, there is nothing wrong. Sharada and Anirudh did it with choice and without any guilt. The pictures were published but only in a private gallery of creative people. Sharada never argued this or find fault with Anirudh, for her this was something between them. But then there are always hidden agendas.

One may write this off as a case of psychological disorder, difference in frequency, one sided emotion, sex, guilt between people, cheap and many such things. But the truth, it was very intelligent. Truth, it was very intelligent.

Sharada and Anirudh, an ocean of many emotions, which they wanted to share yet could not and all the tides and waves on the way hit them. Sometimes they wanted to see things emotionally, sometimes rationally, sometimes neutrally, sometimes guiltily....point is, all the methods used between them was not discussed, those were independent of eachother. One wanted to stay and the other did not want to stay. One understood where it was going and the other ensured it was not evident. One was a thinker and one was a doer. The difference was - it had an impact on the other.

Sharada thought again, So much for "love".

Some guests enter without invitations and guests are supposed to be gods. Once again a divine intervention. A beautiful month of September, early morning just before Sharada's birthday the "Velocit strip" showed two colored bands stating POSITIVE.

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Responsibilities were companions, some destined to Sharada in the domestic front and some taken by choice. The journey had started at the age of 17 +... was still on. Academic qualification never hindered her mettle at work, growth was significant and perhaps god's idea of balancing lives. Grandmother secretly admired Sharada for having achieved this rank in her professional life and also fulfilling her dream of flying abroad on work and holiday. Anirudh became a responsibility of her emotional choice.

When dream cream Germany went down in the drain; Anirudh's career graph hit a speed breaker including a messed up love life. Similarly Sharada's emotional imbalances - an ailing mother; an ambiguous love life; stress at work leading to low productivity affected her. She called it sabbatical, in reality priorities had changed. When money as a source hits a roadblock, philosophies come handy in a relationship and play a concealing role.

"Germany" was the culprit. Fear of blaming two people in a relationship, a geographical place becomes a convenient scape goat.

The serendipity of Anirudh realizing his dreams in Germany would have left Sharada with very little options. Their relationship would have survived with memories of "moments" shared by them with personal conversations replaced by emails and long distance calls. Easy aint easy to live in serendipity, destiny plays wonderful mind games.

Anirudh lost out on Germany and could not get rid of Sharada. Sharada loved Anirudh, she remained; and it gradually thickened by increased proximity every passing day. Complicating love or complications In love; both existed in this case. Sharada and Anirudh in their awareness had complicated things. Now they were picking strings that were complicated. It was a challenge to arrive at a meeting ground.

When one is on a move, it is a struggle to live the present, only to realise that it has become a past. Sharada and Anirudh had similar takes. Their happiness and sorrows were steadfast and moving parallely.

Anirudh's activities were Sharada's confusions. Diya's exit hurt him; he despised Diya's cheating, however continued to have conversations with her. Anirudh's frustration was "anger" and he let it out on Sharada. Sharada was vocal about disapproval or disappointments, however, in vain. Anirudh gave umpteen reasons for frictions and the one topped his list was that Sharada's existence between him & Diya. Was it fair? well versions are versions. When things hit the wall, he discovered & dropped lines at lenience: "Happiness in love, is to allow the person to do what he wants to do".

Sharada's un-expectations and un-conditionality were only an "ideal" statement for Anirudh. Any account of her actions; be it taking pains to travel everyday to meet him, cook food for him, spend money on him, spend time and share everything only to keep him happy was termed as "selfishness". Sharada had very little options to position herself in Anirudh's dictionary. The words of care like mother, words of concern like sister, words of love like lover, words of criticism or advise like a mentor stopped featuring in his lessons, as now Sharada was not a neutral person but somebody very intimate to him. Anirudh was comfortable with an element of mystery attached to his personality, whereas Sharada had the ability to see all the facets of his character and in order to prove Sharada wrong he did exactly things opposite and obviously wrong.

Diya's cheating was a subject of conversation, his rationale would be directed to the medical books - the biological requirement. Some shortfalls of long distance love stories, "bodily needs" forces one to indulge in sex leading to cracks in the relationship. The track looked like Anirudh was ready to forgive the instance and get back to Diya. Sharada did not oppose any of these things but was definitely flabbergasted when Anirudh persuaded or encouraged Sharada to fulfill her biological needs if she found someone outside of him.

His bold admissions about not being loyal or committed; to run into short affairs; defining sex as independent of love, etc. were beyond Sharada's comprehension. Sharada debated all his philosophies and theories; some she succumbed to and many were "culture shocks". Every time Sharada exited, Anirudh ensured to bring her back. Anirudh convinced Sharada that "her exiting out was not an honest one and parting ways was not a solution".

Here was a man who could not take Diya's deceit but it was okay for him if Sharada gets to deceit. A man who liked, had feelings and cared for Sharada but would not want to prove anything. Any attempts by Sharada to understand and stop complications were not welcome to Anirudh.

There were contradictions and more contradictions; philosophies and fresh philosophies; it was becoming a fight for retaining positions in a relationship. Anirudh maintained that he "liked" and did not "love" Sharada (btw, there is very little difference between "Ishtam"&"Sneham" in regional languages). Sharada maintained that he is not her "friend". Exiting out was not allowed, officing in was suffocating. Sharada's scissory aggressiveness was definitely not allowed, Anirudh controlled every bit of it.

It was like a "chakraviyu", you get into it then there is no option but death.

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Pregnant emotions; Sharada had conceived a feeling for Anirudh, which of she could not abort nor grow. But she ensured this not coming between their second innings. Anirudh constantly chided her against those feelings only to perhaps reassure himself or kill hope in her. Sharada was not sure if Anirudh had a question, doubt or happiness about the feeling she stored for him. Sharada stay unperturbed because it wasn't a matter of worry anymore. She chose to do certain things intentionally and self denial became the order of the day. Once bitten twice shy, Sharada clearly performed it with perfection, "manasa, vacha, karmana" she stood clean. A mentor and friend.

Having won an international award for the best designer from France and a fairy tale fly meet with Diya in the US, Anirudh was flying high in his career and life. Privacy was visibly seen, Diya was never a point of conversation. Sharada's indulgence stay till she was asked to, an unbiased reasoning for everything right, however, there was no compromises during proud moments, a time and "news" worthy of sharing and celebrating. Six months sailed only for the monsoons to shower them. July-end and an approaching August, two days away.

Anirudh and Sharada stood drenched on the road just about 5 kms away from Sharada's apartment. They wanted the heavy downpour to subside before moving ahead. A hidden pothole, slightly big and protruding dangered two-wheelers. The bigger vehicles made their way easily but bikes, because of the rains kept skidding. Sharada's focus shifted when the count reached five, however, Anirudh continued his not so important conversation. This time she became vociferous only to see if anyone in the crowd could come forward. Anirudh though acknowledged the situation but his pace to act was rationalised by giving it time, to see if somebody initiated. He was visibly discouraging Sharada to step forward.

"Just for people who undergo a similar situation, bet that there will be divine interventions to rest chaos of the mind and attend crisis and Yes this is where God exists" (anbe shivam - God is love). A few men around, inspite of the rains, came forward to salvage. A night ever remembered by Sharada, a smile that said one important thing "Thank God". However, that night was even more gracious to her personally.

Anirudh noticed that Sharada looked different in the longest time, or perhaps this was the longest time he had set eyes on her. His compliments for the day poured in. The kindness is one, Sharada a woman, did slip for his beautiful words. Sometimes reasoning does not work, its about chemical changes in the body and mind. That night waiting, drenched all over with her open wet hair, Anirudh tickled romance. Keeping her feet firm, Sharada's eyes re-diverted to the skies, time was fleeting. At around ten, they slowly moved, only to be caught again by rains but this time they did not stop.

Sharada offered Anirudh a cover, distances never matter when two people engage out in the evenings, he had a long way to go back and definitely it is in no man's capacity to end up in pneumonia. Sharada gave options, as she looked out for a warm ski / sweater or a raincoat. The house was not so big and Anirudh was not invited in, just about at the door. The room divisions were like compartments, and everytime Sharada kept coming out to show him options.

It was so quick, no thoughts that could trespass in fractions, Anirudh pulled Sharada into a smooch for a very long time, releasing became difficult because this time Sharada felt his arms were tight and would not let her go. And a bonus when one yearns for it, Sharada with lot of struggle reciprocated it. Fifteen minutes of bliss, eyes closed, it was only the lips, which were talking to eachother. There was no other movement, just the warm breathing. When they released, Sharada was shy, confused; Anirudh was holding and forcing her eyes straight into him. They just smiled, for a change without guilt. They desperately wanted it but they didn't do it, Anirudh picked up his cover and left the place with a peck on her cheeks. This was the beginning of sleepless nights, something like love.

They didn't discuss any, it was very blind, like "lovers" they started a season of spring. This time there were no words, it was felt, understood and communicated. A mature yet very childish relationship, long conversations over phone didn't seem to be "senseless", the tone, the longing, the demand everything was right. Sharada didn't want to go wrong and Anirudh was doing everything right. For some people dreams come true, and for Anirudh a call from Germany to work with a top brand and designer came as a surprise. Sharada was very happy, she joined Anirudh in his decisions to realise his dreams. Anirudh got busy with all the formalities.

Buying a travel bag compliant for flight travel was topping his "to do" list, Sharada suggested him places and offered to help him. They discussed and decided to take it. They set to one of busiest bazaars and took about two hours to select. In these cases, Anirudh was more like a woman. Sharada was actually getting bored. Just one thought entered her mind "creative or confused". They dumped it at his place and started preparations for packing, as meticulous as always, Sharada took over the reigns. Conversations and more conversations, Anirudh's voice dipped only to acknowledge, there was no desperation, it was so gradual, the indulgence was not lust, every touch and move was magical, Sharada flowed in only to get submerged. The act had an eternal feeling at the same time a lot of pain, "pain of body". Anirudh in private was a man, autocratic. His boyish demanding nature was only for external fraternity. It was "start to finish", Anirudh lay on bed with tears in his eyes, Sharada lost her virginity.

A week passed, and Anirudh confided to Sharada about Diya. There were issues between them, the ten day trip to USA, a proposal in the form of an engagement ring fell flat on his face. Diya was emotionally tore between her parents, Anirudh, distance and religion. Differences cropped, in an attempt to find solace, Diya cheated on Anirudh. Diya's honesty after that became an issue between them. Anirudh felt "it was not worth a love of sacrifice, however, perfect" He still loved her but there was no future to it. Papers to Germany paced swiftly and also proximity between Sharada and Anirudh in all levels.

Sharada on the other hand was getting stumbled at office, there were issues and fixing it was getting out of control. Her worries grew as the days came closer; Anirudh will be gone, her work was getting instable, her mother needed attention for undergoing chronic illness; the mind was getting bombarded.

A conversation with Anirudh to go for a movie turned out to be the scariest psychological disturbance for Sharada. A simple query lead to something, which was unexpected of. One part of Anirudh was also this, he liked kneading, it was like adding water to a dough, it would roll and roll shifting its base. Now Sharada was the dough. Buying a movie ticket ended in Anirudh accusing of Sharada to have tricked him into an act of sex. He accused of manipulation and some words that Sharada would not remember. His questions troubled her, he knew she was a virgin at the first time but her act of boldness on bed; provoked him chiding her experience with anybody else. Sharada carried the "tissue paper" wrapped in blood for some time in her bag, only to be so accused of something as pure as this.

This was the first bad conversation they had in about a month. Sharada made up her mind to stop this forever, she ran upto him at the theatre with lot of firmness only to see something awaiting for her. Anirudh put his arms around and said, "cwmon I was joking"

Sharada could not understand the shift, but tears rolled down her cheeks only to be wiped by Anirudh.

Sharada, dedicated and confident with shining eyes, never knew the term, normally called lies; unchallenged and unflincing in every mood she stood. She taught everyone how important it is not to brood and she was proud to call herself to be owned by him.

Women, they can understand things only the way they want to understand. Love just blinds them. They don't see what is coming.