1999
23 running: I pass by and stand 100 meters away
Brigade Road: Ignores me L….(I do not exist!)
2002
26 something: I walk the way slowly
Brigade Road: stares at me….(OOH!!)
2004
29 losing: I pace my “soles” faster
Brigade Road: Glances at me for the first time
2005
30 right: Attitude me
Brigade Road: Starts conversation with me
2006
31 odd: Western me
Brigade Road: Welcome to the family
2007
32 & shining: Experimenting handsome shoulders rubbing me
Brigade Road: Pride and envy…looketh at me!
2008
33 at: Seasoned me
Brigade Road: Saluting me
2009
34 awesome: cross culture embracing me
Brigade Road: surprised!
2010
35 talking: Brigade Road…
Brigade Road: Yes Beautiful!
35 talking: Good Night and Good Bye…
Brigade Road: And why darling???
35 talking: you are not my types!!
I feel safe, I feel wanted, I rate men on the scale of 1 to 5, I call the shots and the part I enjoy the most is when I compete with men to hit on MEN ;)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Incomplete 31 - Dedicated to love - Happy Valentine's
BIG Heart is BRAVE & LOVE is Truth.
Jesus and his abundance of love could make a dead man walking; HIS love for people was very dangerous. It is impossible to be Jesus but it is possible to be dangerous. As death is the only promise, love is the only hope.
Love in its capacity is doing what it is mandated to and over ages it has changed according to the convenience of people who handle it. It is eternal, magical, mystery, freedom, joy, ecstasy, pain, turbulence etc but no one can live without it. Love does not matter, it is people who matter.
Be a friend, be caring, be affectionate, be loving, be sharing, be a puppy, be funny, be stupid, be an insane, be possessive, be protective, be inspective, be intruding, be jealous, be a liar, be honest, be good, be bad, be temperamental, be intelligent, be a fool, be a pest, be suspicious, be normal, be kind, be sensitive, be empathetic, be a critic, be expressive, be subtle, be sexy, be smart, be stylish, be beautiful, be complex, be confused, be humble, be quarrelsome, be a kid, be a man, be a woman, be you, be I, be anything “only and only if in love” because it does not hurt. Dare not if not in love, not even for the sake or in the name of love.
Sharada exchanged and embraced her parents; offered a currency cover to Nirmala and Meera as a marriage gift; smiled at her relatives. She tread towards the door with her baggage, Jai, Madhuri and kids were already waiting inside the taxi. Sharada excused Jai over joining them back in their travel and hand-overed a book that titled “Incomplete – Murdered in love”.
Bidding a bye all, she walked the same lanes to catch her bus back. Long away in the bus, she spotted a mood of celebration at some junctions, a visible change, college kids were celebrating Valentine’s day.
Love has the strength; it can penetrate to a village much away from the west & the western culture.
Girls and boys were busy buying cards, balloons, chocolates etc. Couples isolated from the rushing world – some who were planning to plunge, some just in love, some going on for a long time and some already married. Love is in the air. There is no rule or advice for people who are in love, just fall in love and dare to fall because it’s very difficult.
As time progressed and the distance terse; Sharada’s working world became a reality. Her long list of “to do” had the first to collect her test reports.
It was 11 am, she with her journalist friend marched to the hospital. Her friend kept teasing her all the way; but deep down it really made sense. Joke is a joke but life is one. Love aside, one realizes how it is important to be responsible in life and precious it can get only if you have a healthy body and mind.
Her friend opened the cover and it stated “NEGATIVE”; Sharada was relieved. HIV Tests had a big window time and she was relieved that she had been responsible and committed. One need not hesitate to take a shot; it does not falsely indicate straying of a partner, it only reaffirms responsibility for oneself.
Sharada’s unending desire for a V-Day gift still remained but this time her “karivala – kanmashi – chandpottu” were replaced by grandma’s earrings.
(black bangles – black kajal – red sindoor)
Sharada and her friend joined another friend at a coffee shop watching all the celebrations around and their conversations continued; so did Sharada’s journey but this time not so much about “her love in her life” but about love that was around.
---------------------------------------------*0000*---------------------------------------------
Now about me, I am like any one of you, a daughter, sister, friend, lover, wife and now a mom. I am sitting in the same coffee shop where Sharada is. And I love her as much she loves my daughter Aadya.
When inquired on what my next book will be about, I said “About a couple and their visit to Taj Mahal”; my friends went red on face; well I had forgotten to wish them “Happy Valentines”
Friends, thanks a million for taking out your time to read my notes, till meet you all next, peace and love
Aadya’s mom
Feb 14, 2010 - 11.30 am
Jesus and his abundance of love could make a dead man walking; HIS love for people was very dangerous. It is impossible to be Jesus but it is possible to be dangerous. As death is the only promise, love is the only hope.
Love in its capacity is doing what it is mandated to and over ages it has changed according to the convenience of people who handle it. It is eternal, magical, mystery, freedom, joy, ecstasy, pain, turbulence etc but no one can live without it. Love does not matter, it is people who matter.
Be a friend, be caring, be affectionate, be loving, be sharing, be a puppy, be funny, be stupid, be an insane, be possessive, be protective, be inspective, be intruding, be jealous, be a liar, be honest, be good, be bad, be temperamental, be intelligent, be a fool, be a pest, be suspicious, be normal, be kind, be sensitive, be empathetic, be a critic, be expressive, be subtle, be sexy, be smart, be stylish, be beautiful, be complex, be confused, be humble, be quarrelsome, be a kid, be a man, be a woman, be you, be I, be anything “only and only if in love” because it does not hurt. Dare not if not in love, not even for the sake or in the name of love.
Sharada exchanged and embraced her parents; offered a currency cover to Nirmala and Meera as a marriage gift; smiled at her relatives. She tread towards the door with her baggage, Jai, Madhuri and kids were already waiting inside the taxi. Sharada excused Jai over joining them back in their travel and hand-overed a book that titled “Incomplete – Murdered in love”.
Bidding a bye all, she walked the same lanes to catch her bus back. Long away in the bus, she spotted a mood of celebration at some junctions, a visible change, college kids were celebrating Valentine’s day.
Love has the strength; it can penetrate to a village much away from the west & the western culture.
Girls and boys were busy buying cards, balloons, chocolates etc. Couples isolated from the rushing world – some who were planning to plunge, some just in love, some going on for a long time and some already married. Love is in the air. There is no rule or advice for people who are in love, just fall in love and dare to fall because it’s very difficult.
As time progressed and the distance terse; Sharada’s working world became a reality. Her long list of “to do” had the first to collect her test reports.
It was 11 am, she with her journalist friend marched to the hospital. Her friend kept teasing her all the way; but deep down it really made sense. Joke is a joke but life is one. Love aside, one realizes how it is important to be responsible in life and precious it can get only if you have a healthy body and mind.
Her friend opened the cover and it stated “NEGATIVE”; Sharada was relieved. HIV Tests had a big window time and she was relieved that she had been responsible and committed. One need not hesitate to take a shot; it does not falsely indicate straying of a partner, it only reaffirms responsibility for oneself.
Sharada’s unending desire for a V-Day gift still remained but this time her “karivala – kanmashi – chandpottu” were replaced by grandma’s earrings.
(black bangles – black kajal – red sindoor)
Sharada and her friend joined another friend at a coffee shop watching all the celebrations around and their conversations continued; so did Sharada’s journey but this time not so much about “her love in her life” but about love that was around.
---------------------------------------------*0000*---------------------------------------------
Now about me, I am like any one of you, a daughter, sister, friend, lover, wife and now a mom. I am sitting in the same coffee shop where Sharada is. And I love her as much she loves my daughter Aadya.
When inquired on what my next book will be about, I said “About a couple and their visit to Taj Mahal”; my friends went red on face; well I had forgotten to wish them “Happy Valentines”
Friends, thanks a million for taking out your time to read my notes, till meet you all next, peace and love
Aadya’s mom
Feb 14, 2010 - 11.30 am
Friday, February 12, 2010
Incomplete 30 Murdered in Love 23
Present 2010
Forgetfulness’ and time are interdependent. It is important to forget and only with time it happens. Sharada encountered within herself that she had forgotten some parts of her journey. Jai and Anirudh had same impact in her life; but the intensity was different. One was rotten and the other fresh. May be after ten long years at 45, this will be just a matter of the past. Unlike Jai, Anirudh will not be anywhere in the vicinity. But they both stay as long as Sharada stays.
Like a trend, on a positive note what did they both teach or leave behind; one grew her up and the other grew up with her; transition of a girl to a woman, and then a woman to a mother.
In the name of marriage – so unfulfilling; in the name of love – so fulfilling. Yet so “incomplete”; married yet not legalized; love yet so fake; a mother yet empty. Sharada was complete yet incomplete. Jai, was an encounter with slow poison. Anirudh, an encounter with danger. Sharada’s murderous journey of love. Jai and Anirudh – Rest in peace for now.
Grandmother owned a “thodu” – a diamond earring (the only one she had) and had decided to pass it on to Sharada; on the condition that Sharada gave her a grandson or a granddaughter. It never happened. Sharada hoped if grandmother was around she could communicate her apologies for not bringing “it” out into the world.
Sharada, her window and the village; this time the temple bells quivered her thoughts. It was 5 am, “Shivarathiri” had started, like every other festival, this too had its significance and kids had started writing “om namaha shivaya”, chanting slogans and the village was loud in a celebrating mood. They had to stay jagran the whole night and Sharada heard them all discussing the plans.
But for the house it was the beginning of a 13 day ceremonial mourning time, some had to leave and some would stay.
Sharada closed her window for one last time, not knowing when it would be open again. She draped her grandma’s nine yard sari along the same poles and took bath, this time there was no inhibitions or fear of honor. As she pleated and arranged her sari, Jai entered the room; like old times he helped her with the safety pin and kept talking to her about his travel plans. He wanted her to join them as they returned back. Sharada agreed to whatever he said.
The bags were packed, parents and relatives continued with their duties; no pressure whatsoever, Sharada didn’t have the mandate to stay back. She entered her paati’s room.
She touched all the things she liked about her grandmother, especially the books Ramayana, Mahabharata and Bhagvatham, her glasses that she used only while reading, all the pictures which she posed right, her “madisar puduvai”, small telephone index, address book and a pen. As Sharada prepared to turn around, her sari stuck under the pillow, as she removed it, she saw something shinning, on a close look, she realized it were the earrings. Sharada recalled that grandmother had whispered something into her ears “thodu” “thodu”, she mistook it to “touch” and Sharada kept touching her.
Tears just rolled her cheeks; she held it and kissed them intensely.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Incomplete 29 Murdered in Love 22
Anirudh turned up four times in ten months, unaware & scared to communicate. Sharada now wanted to listen to his decision than his ambiguity.
Sharada’s poem followed by a spiteful law and order driven mail pricked Anirudh’s conscious; Sharada wanted her dignity in some form or other. A token to restore it, a paper to seal, a promise to continue or break it up! Her faith was hanging that Anirudh “loved her” and did not want to sue him, in spite of persuasion from friends.
“Humanitarian Grounds” somebody close to Anirudh whispered - on humanitarian grounds. Sharada wasn’t broke anything more than this.
Reality: It turned out to be that Anirudh never loved Sharada. He wanted to irk Diya and came back to Sharada on his birthday. But things were not working fine and only to make Diya feel more jealous, he got physically intimate to Sharada. But this is all; he wanted to stop it there. Because he was almost close to getting there with Diya once he flew to Germany.
Unaware of all this, Sharada was coming back to him and this made him feel guilty and on “humanitarian grounds” Anirudh continued to keep her happy and whilst it was against his heart and mind, he was throwing tantrums. Sharada’s patience baffled him, so he continued to use every other method – from insults to physical abuses - but she kept hanging there. Pregnancy was not a matter because he had put his guilt on God. And finally when Sharada encountered his mails to Diya all the time she was around along with her pictures secretly taken, it shattered her.
Sharada liberated Anirudh; one last time she laid there on his laps only to realize every feeling as insignificant as it could be only to know the truth that Anirudh never ever loved her.
Sharada, an emotional fool.
“A note from Sharada’s personal diary
obviously he doesn’t love
obviously he isn’t going to marry
obviously he knows for sure he has hurt me
obviously he knows that he doesn’t want to hurt me more
obviously he feels that he cant keep me happy
obviously he isn’t that happy with me
obviously he isn’t trustworthy
obviously he knows am older and not the one he wants in life
obviously he cant get hurt because he does not deserve me
obviously there are better girls in life
obviously she is the perfect women
obviously if not for me he wouldnt have ditched her
obviously if not for diya he wouldnt have come to me
obviously he wanted somebody to show his irritation
obviously he wanted somebody to show his anger
obviously he wanted to show his helplessness for not getting what he wanted
obviously he was disappointed
obviously he isnt me
obviously he found solace
obviously I pulled him down
obviously I was a dictator
obviously I am not him
obviously I didnt keep him happy
obviously I can get hurt because I want him
obviously I killed myself
obviously he killed me
at no point he will be able to justify his act
at no point will he say he is guilty even if he is
may be he also feels he is guilty
he cannot prove anything right because
obviously he cant convince me GOD!
I am responsible for whatever happened
He never said he loves me
I said I love him
He never said he will marry me
I said I would like to marry him
He never said he is committed
I said if he isn’t then I will leave him
He never said he had sex with me
I asked him if he did
He said he never used me
I asked him if he is using me
He initiated, I flowed
He abused, I allowed
He authored, I wrote
He liked, I joined
He hated, I cried
He left, I waited
He told it will get complicated
I told him if it is so then we should not complicate
Outcome:I lost my virginity, I lost something born"
Incomplete 28 Murdered in Love 21
(Readers feel free / allowed to skip this)
Depression! Sharada locked in the house for three months. Destruction! Several attempts to kill herself. Ashrams, temples, charities, but still she could not come out of Anirudh.
Weakness, weakness and more weakness of the body and mind; there are remedies in this world - God.
She kept reading the 2nd Chapter of the Bhagwad Gita, which summarises the entire Holy Song: starts with Arjuna's grief and then the final Kurukshetra battle.
A verse in it "Active Resistence to Evil", is the central idea in the doctrine expounded by Lord Krishna in the Gita. Sharada perfectly believed this; her moods were switching between tolerance as "mother earth" and dangerous as "mother Kali".
When God created this entire universe; he performed slow theatre plays; however HE realised it is time to end his skit and had started moving the "fast forward" button and one need not wait for another "birth" to redeem the present or earlier birth.
Sharada’s state of mind is something of "A KLAIBYAM" (means the mental attitude of one who is neither masculine enough to feel a passionate courage and daring, nor womanly enough to feel the soft emotions of hesitation and despair) "a grief" "a coward" "an idealistic" "shattered mental equilibrium" "pity" "hysterical" - various neurotic diseases called the "Arjuna Disease" which resonates to "Krishna Cure".
In the Mahabharata, Arjuna argues to Krishna and finally in the end he says "it is better for me to "die" unarmed than kill my own kinsmen and have no pleasure of winning the Kingdom". Philosophically "wretched are those who act for results"; now take a look: Pandavas and Kauravas played the game to "win", however, not aware of Shakuni's cunningness. So they played for a result "to win"; when one says wretched are those who act for results, meaning people in their desired prompted activities directly incurring new vasanas and never will be liberated.
Here is the parallel: what are desires to Sharada?
Love or Love making: an overrated, painful experience. Why man and woman perform an act that pains them - "yes the result is a child"; so anybody performing an act not looking forward for a result are not wretched. And this is when the definition changes and conveniently defined as "making love" for what again?
Today Sharada, at this point is relieved because there was a result, and it rings clearly to her that Anirudh confided and performed an action of love and not sex.
Child: Sharada committed sin.
Has Sharada incurred new vasanas? No.
But, Sharada has committed sin. God gave her a chance knowing that she was brave; however, she just wanted to restore a promise, a promise which was never made between two people. It was faith of one she restored. When a man thinks of objects, attachment comes, from attachment comes desires, from desires comes anger, from anger delusion, from delusion "loss of memory", then "destruction of discrimination" and finally he perishes.
Sharada is not perfect; she is perished from a moral sense. And her dharma says to restore dignity.
Weakness, weakness and more weakness of the body and mind; there are remedies in this world - God.
She kept reading the 2nd Chapter of the Bhagwad Gita, which summarises the entire Holy Song: starts with Arjuna's grief and then the final Kurukshetra battle.
A verse in it "Active Resistence to Evil", is the central idea in the doctrine expounded by Lord Krishna in the Gita. Sharada perfectly believed this; her moods were switching between tolerance as "mother earth" and dangerous as "mother Kali".
When God created this entire universe; he performed slow theatre plays; however HE realised it is time to end his skit and had started moving the "fast forward" button and one need not wait for another "birth" to redeem the present or earlier birth.
Sharada’s state of mind is something of "A KLAIBYAM" (means the mental attitude of one who is neither masculine enough to feel a passionate courage and daring, nor womanly enough to feel the soft emotions of hesitation and despair) "a grief" "a coward" "an idealistic" "shattered mental equilibrium" "pity" "hysterical" - various neurotic diseases called the "Arjuna Disease" which resonates to "Krishna Cure".
In the Mahabharata, Arjuna argues to Krishna and finally in the end he says "it is better for me to "die" unarmed than kill my own kinsmen and have no pleasure of winning the Kingdom". Philosophically "wretched are those who act for results"; now take a look: Pandavas and Kauravas played the game to "win", however, not aware of Shakuni's cunningness. So they played for a result "to win"; when one says wretched are those who act for results, meaning people in their desired prompted activities directly incurring new vasanas and never will be liberated.
Here is the parallel: what are desires to Sharada?
Love or Love making: an overrated, painful experience. Why man and woman perform an act that pains them - "yes the result is a child"; so anybody performing an act not looking forward for a result are not wretched. And this is when the definition changes and conveniently defined as "making love" for what again?
Today Sharada, at this point is relieved because there was a result, and it rings clearly to her that Anirudh confided and performed an action of love and not sex.
Child: Sharada committed sin.
Has Sharada incurred new vasanas? No.
But, Sharada has committed sin. God gave her a chance knowing that she was brave; however, she just wanted to restore a promise, a promise which was never made between two people. It was faith of one she restored. When a man thinks of objects, attachment comes, from attachment comes desires, from desires comes anger, from anger delusion, from delusion "loss of memory", then "destruction of discrimination" and finally he perishes.
Sharada is not perfect; she is perished from a moral sense. And her dharma says to restore dignity.
Incomplete 27 Murdered in Love 20
"The sin that is committed by killing one who does not deserve is as great a sin of NOT killing the one who deserves to be......Bhagwad GITA". Sin is only a mistake committed by a misunderstood "individual ego" against its own Divine Nature.
Sharada' birthday, and an alien body of 47 days. Fear, image, future, everything seemed to collapse on her face. Nobody was to be blamed; not even the foetus. She just didnt want to talk about it to anyone but then it was inevitable. Clandestinity in a realtionship just tears one apart, she could not confide to anyone. And if she did, then she would retrieve it back. An indication to Anirudh, broke him & he went into silence. Between them there were only precautions and no promises or plans. Celebrate or do what?, a day to be remembered, horrifying was her birthday. Anirudh was awake all night beside her; and Sharada mourned to take a decision. A fibred rod entered her and dissolved something born; may be a boy or girl.
It is cruel to even scribe, sin is the word. She kept her promise to the one who had not promised anything.
The year ended peacefully only to unfold and end. Anirudh was waiting for an opportunity, and now it was Sharada's turn to get erroneous. Hormonal changes in the body started working on Sharada. Literal imbalances, fear of rejection, mistrust, insecurity, infringement, imposing, and get worried for nothing, fights; anger - all together played the worse. Continuously for a month they had fights, over everything. Like all, said all, Sharada accused Anirudh of using her emotionally, physically and financially. She walked out on him slapping him hard, not once but many times. Eighteen days of test; Anirudh never came back. Sharada begged him, but then theories are only one sided. Cursed was she, another exile but this time there was no hope.
The relationship came out in the open first to her closest friends and her other friends and many other friends. She spoke to some and some spoke to other some. But then nothing could be done to save or take the relationship forward. Some wanted Sharada to sue him, some forgive, some reasoned that it was her mistake, some reasoned that he was immature, some were critical, some were compassionate, some angry, some cried with her. It affected many and most of all Sharada herself.
Away from everyone and everything, Sharada completely contaminated started her cleansing process.
Sharada' birthday, and an alien body of 47 days. Fear, image, future, everything seemed to collapse on her face. Nobody was to be blamed; not even the foetus. She just didnt want to talk about it to anyone but then it was inevitable. Clandestinity in a realtionship just tears one apart, she could not confide to anyone. And if she did, then she would retrieve it back. An indication to Anirudh, broke him & he went into silence. Between them there were only precautions and no promises or plans. Celebrate or do what?, a day to be remembered, horrifying was her birthday. Anirudh was awake all night beside her; and Sharada mourned to take a decision. A fibred rod entered her and dissolved something born; may be a boy or girl.
It is cruel to even scribe, sin is the word. She kept her promise to the one who had not promised anything.
The year ended peacefully only to unfold and end. Anirudh was waiting for an opportunity, and now it was Sharada's turn to get erroneous. Hormonal changes in the body started working on Sharada. Literal imbalances, fear of rejection, mistrust, insecurity, infringement, imposing, and get worried for nothing, fights; anger - all together played the worse. Continuously for a month they had fights, over everything. Like all, said all, Sharada accused Anirudh of using her emotionally, physically and financially. She walked out on him slapping him hard, not once but many times. Eighteen days of test; Anirudh never came back. Sharada begged him, but then theories are only one sided. Cursed was she, another exile but this time there was no hope.
The relationship came out in the open first to her closest friends and her other friends and many other friends. She spoke to some and some spoke to other some. But then nothing could be done to save or take the relationship forward. Some wanted Sharada to sue him, some forgive, some reasoned that it was her mistake, some reasoned that he was immature, some were critical, some were compassionate, some angry, some cried with her. It affected many and most of all Sharada herself.
Away from everyone and everything, Sharada completely contaminated started her cleansing process.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Incomplete 26 Murdered in Love 19
Try playing a song on windows media player; some colourful animated lines glide on the monitor; they sometimes go rhythmically with the song or they have been seen to be digitized intelligently that one feels it is dancing to the tunes....strangely it also makes you feel very disturbed.
Sharada's admissions were pronounced, and she was through with her part in the first innings of the relationship. She had moved out then never to come back. But the second innings was shouldered by Anirudh. It was getting difficult for him, as it was evident he was controlling the threads.
Things are getting visually clear that this was not about two individuals, it was about two generations in a relationship. A boy who is straight seven years younger than a woman; both came from different school of thoughts that intersect each other, however do not meet.
Sharada's mental state of mind was moving exactly like those digital waves on the computer screens. It is very difficult to comprehend and analyse that what happens between two people when only one is talking about it. The truth was - only Sharada was talking about it and Anirudh was in the oblivion. Two definite things happen in a journey of love. One, you love and cherish moments. Two, you don't love and conceal guilt.
Anirudh was waiting for one event to nail Sharada, but unfortunately every such incident happened Sharada remained unaware of his intentions. Unlike her younger days Sharada was not naive, but she was still very vulnerable. Grey areas were acceptable for her, but black and white in a relationship was very important. Unfortunately, Anirudh's intentions never materialized, because he continued damaging beyond repair.
There were three instances when Anirudh became physically violent on Sharada. Sharada in her defense would destruct her own self. The reasons behind all physical hurts were very trivial, but Anirudh's reasoning would be exaggerated, sometimes posed as Sharada's folly. Before Sharada could confront and take a decision about him, Anirudh would fall on her feet and apologize. Anirudh had shared that his mother was also a recipient of such actions. Sharada only empathised that Anirudh was doing everything that he is not and Sharada just could not take it. Anirudh's "love was incredible but "hate" was unbelievably turbulent. And the times when such incidents happen, whatsoever, Anirudh would not bear the drift. Sharada sometimes intentionally stayed away but then it would hurt him even more. The one way theory - "Sharada was supposed to forgive him because it was him".
A man wants to see his mother in his wife; and here was a man who acknowledged Sharada exactly like his mother; from food to silence. But sealed his mouth, mind and heart to accept her in the way he had conceived. Anirudh sprinkled all "expectations to grow" in Sharada's mind, but as said this is only one way theory. It was not acceptable for Sharada to expect.
Anirudh made Sharada believe everything but what she was. Anirudh had completely taken over Sharada's senses - mental, emotional and physical. Sharada allowed it and he kept entering in without walls. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months as passed; Sharada and Anirudh could not find an answer to their relationship. But as lovers, they did spend time meeting eachother, travelling, watching movies, ideating, fighting, laughing, playing, making love, sharing all the low's and highs etc.
Sharada's emotional responsibility by choice was literally a little overdone. How could one being a woman do this but yes Sharada did this as well. She encouraged Anirudh of his photography skills and it was a meeting of mind sorts and just after their love making session, she stood nude for his creative satisfaction.
Raising of eyebrows? well truth always does. Honestly if one looks at it, its just between two people who love each other, there is nothing wrong. Sharada and Anirudh did it with choice and without any guilt. The pictures were published but only in a private gallery of creative people. Sharada never argued this or find fault with Anirudh, for her this was something between them. But then there are always hidden agendas.
One may write this off as a case of psychological disorder, difference in frequency, one sided emotion, sex, guilt between people, cheap and many such things. But the truth, it was very intelligent. Truth, it was very intelligent.
Sharada and Anirudh, an ocean of many emotions, which they wanted to share yet could not and all the tides and waves on the way hit them. Sometimes they wanted to see things emotionally, sometimes rationally, sometimes neutrally, sometimes guiltily....point is, all the methods used between them was not discussed, those were independent of eachother. One wanted to stay and the other did not want to stay. One understood where it was going and the other ensured it was not evident. One was a thinker and one was a doer. The difference was - it had an impact on the other.
Sharada thought again, So much for "love".
Some guests enter without invitations and guests are supposed to be gods. Once again a divine intervention. A beautiful month of September, early morning just before Sharada's birthday the "Velocit strip" showed two colored bands stating POSITIVE.
Sharada's admissions were pronounced, and she was through with her part in the first innings of the relationship. She had moved out then never to come back. But the second innings was shouldered by Anirudh. It was getting difficult for him, as it was evident he was controlling the threads.
Things are getting visually clear that this was not about two individuals, it was about two generations in a relationship. A boy who is straight seven years younger than a woman; both came from different school of thoughts that intersect each other, however do not meet.
Sharada's mental state of mind was moving exactly like those digital waves on the computer screens. It is very difficult to comprehend and analyse that what happens between two people when only one is talking about it. The truth was - only Sharada was talking about it and Anirudh was in the oblivion. Two definite things happen in a journey of love. One, you love and cherish moments. Two, you don't love and conceal guilt.
Anirudh was waiting for one event to nail Sharada, but unfortunately every such incident happened Sharada remained unaware of his intentions. Unlike her younger days Sharada was not naive, but she was still very vulnerable. Grey areas were acceptable for her, but black and white in a relationship was very important. Unfortunately, Anirudh's intentions never materialized, because he continued damaging beyond repair.
There were three instances when Anirudh became physically violent on Sharada. Sharada in her defense would destruct her own self. The reasons behind all physical hurts were very trivial, but Anirudh's reasoning would be exaggerated, sometimes posed as Sharada's folly. Before Sharada could confront and take a decision about him, Anirudh would fall on her feet and apologize. Anirudh had shared that his mother was also a recipient of such actions. Sharada only empathised that Anirudh was doing everything that he is not and Sharada just could not take it. Anirudh's "love was incredible but "hate" was unbelievably turbulent. And the times when such incidents happen, whatsoever, Anirudh would not bear the drift. Sharada sometimes intentionally stayed away but then it would hurt him even more. The one way theory - "Sharada was supposed to forgive him because it was him".
A man wants to see his mother in his wife; and here was a man who acknowledged Sharada exactly like his mother; from food to silence. But sealed his mouth, mind and heart to accept her in the way he had conceived. Anirudh sprinkled all "expectations to grow" in Sharada's mind, but as said this is only one way theory. It was not acceptable for Sharada to expect.
Anirudh made Sharada believe everything but what she was. Anirudh had completely taken over Sharada's senses - mental, emotional and physical. Sharada allowed it and he kept entering in without walls. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months as passed; Sharada and Anirudh could not find an answer to their relationship. But as lovers, they did spend time meeting eachother, travelling, watching movies, ideating, fighting, laughing, playing, making love, sharing all the low's and highs etc.
Sharada's emotional responsibility by choice was literally a little overdone. How could one being a woman do this but yes Sharada did this as well. She encouraged Anirudh of his photography skills and it was a meeting of mind sorts and just after their love making session, she stood nude for his creative satisfaction.
Raising of eyebrows? well truth always does. Honestly if one looks at it, its just between two people who love each other, there is nothing wrong. Sharada and Anirudh did it with choice and without any guilt. The pictures were published but only in a private gallery of creative people. Sharada never argued this or find fault with Anirudh, for her this was something between them. But then there are always hidden agendas.
One may write this off as a case of psychological disorder, difference in frequency, one sided emotion, sex, guilt between people, cheap and many such things. But the truth, it was very intelligent. Truth, it was very intelligent.
Sharada and Anirudh, an ocean of many emotions, which they wanted to share yet could not and all the tides and waves on the way hit them. Sometimes they wanted to see things emotionally, sometimes rationally, sometimes neutrally, sometimes guiltily....point is, all the methods used between them was not discussed, those were independent of eachother. One wanted to stay and the other did not want to stay. One understood where it was going and the other ensured it was not evident. One was a thinker and one was a doer. The difference was - it had an impact on the other.
Sharada thought again, So much for "love".
Some guests enter without invitations and guests are supposed to be gods. Once again a divine intervention. A beautiful month of September, early morning just before Sharada's birthday the "Velocit strip" showed two colored bands stating POSITIVE.
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