Incomplete - 4

Compelling her being to come back to reality she closes the window. Also a corresponding closure to all thoughts she prepares to go down. While taking the concluding step she realizes how ignorant she has been of the elderly woman who welcomed her. Yes, she was a distant relative to the grandmother and was staying with her daughter - perhaps in her teens. Sharada had not seen the girl.

Her movement disturbed the elderly lady, who points towards Sharada’s bed while rubbing her eyes and trying to gain focus. Contrary to her ever so organized nature, Sharada lies down slowly in tranquility, skips to change or arrange her bags. The bed was on the floor – little had changed since her childhood - the same mattress, the same cushion, same smell, and of course similar feeling… and it was time to rest mind and body. She kicked her physical and mental weariness, as the body and joints stretched. The idea of food crossed her mind and it was too late, as she realized to have ignored the elderly woman’s plea for dinner.

There are living things, non living things and then there is Sharada. She miraculously oscillated between past and present; all persuading, motivational, inspiring talks by friends, counselors didn’t really work on her. Presenting to you, Sharada – subject of past. Her eyes stared still, wide open, did not close; easily about 20-30 shots of sleeping pills powered her body.

Her eyes jetted, first on the ceiling fan, then the regulator, next above the roof and within seconds into the space....."Time" and “lots of time”, a very fundamental cause of worry and issue around one. One thinks (broods), re-thinks (broods over), constructively thinks, introspectively thinks and then there is negative and positive thinking as well. There isn’t any definite direction to thinking, one will get convinced that it’s completely original and render a lateral perspective. Now the thinking rolled and climaxed into a world war. Food, Shelter, Clothing (Roti, Kapda aur Makaan); basic necessities for living; would that suffice or fulfill a man’s wish and allow him to permanently stop making money? To argue, a human body requires uninterrupted conditioning; till it decides to go hiding six feet under. This is debatable; the basic necessities are super imposed by luxuries, ambitions, dreams, and desires etc forcing a man to create ladders to growth, money and power.

As the discussion continuous, a convincing point makes her nod in mind, that there are forefathers, grand fathers, fathers who promise to provide and contribute to the future of the family. The process of breeding and rearing will see man progressing to a more perfected world, perfect society; and soon space on land will not be enough. This will enable him to build a perfect world right up on air; of course with the help of few scientists, there will be perfect solutions for burial or air-ial cremation. After all this there will sure come a time when earth and air population will wage a world - war for land-air space because there is definitely going to be a border J or Line of Control.

These deliberations sprouted in her mind to rationalize why she was the way she is. Sharada did not do anything constructively, productively or positively for the longest time; some radical changes in her mind kept her busy dying and doing multiple things. Framing herself a “loser” didn’t really matter to her; to think about it, what was she losing? Or did she glorify an act, which is not natural or justify herself to be adamant.

It was 5 am in the morning....."Time is an issue"