Butter and earth, it is still to be seen if world ends in 2012, but for Grandma, she walked abode just before that.
She left behind a feeling of emptiness and an empty Sharada. It simply reiterates that whatever be the difference between them, whatever good or bad vibes they shared, all the time during the time they lived, they thought about each other or atleast tried to enter each other’s mind.
Sharadambal and Sharada, a grandmother and a granddaughter, so much alike and yet so different. The first to start a lineage the other to end it. She died incomplete, Sharada was living incomplete.
The last rites were performed by men and women. Some lamented, some quiet, some sniffing, Jai and his family were neutral and left alone. They had very limited role to play. It is a bane and boon to be connected in the same family. And when the connection is both paternal and maternal, it is excess baggage. Jai and Sharada were tied up for a lifetime but then the difference now was that they were not anymore tied-up.
Madhuri (Jai’s wife), Dhruv were not new for Sharada. Dhriti, the daughter was new and whatever little noises were happeneing at that time in the house was by her. She would try to crawl around, pull clothes, or just run into the places were all the ceremonial things were spread. It had become a round of activity for Madhuri and Jai to keep watch on her. Madhuri would not meet Sharada’s eye and vice versa. Jai was trying to ease the air, however, it did very little help.
A vacuum, a sign to explode; and when something has fallen like death, a fear surrounds. All the activities are calculative, everyone has this particular respect and tone to the language and volume used, every one around works towards correction, there are no difference of opinion. Believe it or not, no one is an enemy. Its so surreal, which is not seen in the living world or the born world. With birth comes no apprehensions, a loud celebration, everything noisy, there is happiness with chaos, and many people opinionating. A profound contradiction.
When there was nothing much to do, all one does is watch and observe or think. But this time for a change, it was Jai’s turn. Jai faced a similar situation a couple of years ago when he lost his father. The first SMS or message was to Sharada or perhaps the last one – either way, Sharada was attending them the night he lost his father. When the last rites were performed, it was a mandate for a daughter-in-law to perform a certain action, however, Sharada’s role was unclear. A classic situation, here is a woman who has spent six years physically and the rest mentally with a family that owned and disowned her. Sharada did not wait for anybody’s instruction, she just managed to get into one of the sari’s in the house and got herself completely drenched and performed the rites. She didnt bother about the world or the legal implications, for her it was a father, more than her husband’s.
Jai observed Sharada closely and this time he had something else to see. Sharada had changed a lot, she looked younger as she aged (probably a comparison to women who generally look different after two kids); Sharada’s hair were not long, she had started using contact lens, blacks were replaced by purples, unlike her active and to do stamina – she had restrained and would not do anything. Jai’s curiousity was to know if Sharada was married or engaged to be married or still single.
Jai’s immaturity, opportunistic traits, detachment, defense, feeling of someone still attracted to him or yearing for him still existed. He treated Madhuri the same way, just that Madhuri ensured to add salt appropriately in proper places in the right dishes. For Jai it was a bonus point - when Sharada was around, Madhuri yearned for him. The only interesting twist here - that Jai wasnt aware to conclude if Sharada still yearned for him.
All the formalities concluded, with the door open, the day ended at 11.00 pm. Nirmala had drained. The newly weds were very accomodative, they chose to stay back and help Nirmala. Meera and Madhuri were an item, kids around just eased things.
Sharada, if anytime blessed was in this birth for her parents, who were the biggest pillars of support. They understood that their relation with Sharada would be perfect if they stayed away from her and thats exactly what they did. The distance was important for all the individuals in the family. They were happy to know Sharada was okay and living independently. For them a call every month or once in two months was enough. The pain was deep yet fine. Sometimes one has to pay the price for being parents. Children realise it very late. Sharada loved them and didnt want to burden them with her recurring life with the past.
Sharada’s parents bittered and their glands boiled at the very sight of Jai. Like Sharada they had also refused to forgive Jai. Father flashed back the day Jai entered the house and slammed Sharada for being abnormal and shouting on top for not making him a father. Father was a strength and the weakness both, but that day he said “leave him”, he isnt worth a man.
The house was deep asleep, a weary look, Sharada stay awake in her room and she turned her head around to see a shadow approaching her. It was Jai. They were so used to each other, even after years it didnt really make any difference. It was like the same, two people or individuals in a room. The air was same, without tightness. Sharada went back to her position facing the window. Jai with a heavy sigh initiated a dialogue.
Jai: Have I been replaced?
(Sharada: “a long silence”)
Jai: (after a little while) This answer will help me.
(Sharada: “a long silence”)
Jai realised how deep it hurt her and how long. He turned around and as he walked towards the door.
She left behind a feeling of emptiness and an empty Sharada. It simply reiterates that whatever be the difference between them, whatever good or bad vibes they shared, all the time during the time they lived, they thought about each other or atleast tried to enter each other’s mind.
Sharadambal and Sharada, a grandmother and a granddaughter, so much alike and yet so different. The first to start a lineage the other to end it. She died incomplete, Sharada was living incomplete.
The last rites were performed by men and women. Some lamented, some quiet, some sniffing, Jai and his family were neutral and left alone. They had very limited role to play. It is a bane and boon to be connected in the same family. And when the connection is both paternal and maternal, it is excess baggage. Jai and Sharada were tied up for a lifetime but then the difference now was that they were not anymore tied-up.
Madhuri (Jai’s wife), Dhruv were not new for Sharada. Dhriti, the daughter was new and whatever little noises were happeneing at that time in the house was by her. She would try to crawl around, pull clothes, or just run into the places were all the ceremonial things were spread. It had become a round of activity for Madhuri and Jai to keep watch on her. Madhuri would not meet Sharada’s eye and vice versa. Jai was trying to ease the air, however, it did very little help.
A vacuum, a sign to explode; and when something has fallen like death, a fear surrounds. All the activities are calculative, everyone has this particular respect and tone to the language and volume used, every one around works towards correction, there are no difference of opinion. Believe it or not, no one is an enemy. Its so surreal, which is not seen in the living world or the born world. With birth comes no apprehensions, a loud celebration, everything noisy, there is happiness with chaos, and many people opinionating. A profound contradiction.
When there was nothing much to do, all one does is watch and observe or think. But this time for a change, it was Jai’s turn. Jai faced a similar situation a couple of years ago when he lost his father. The first SMS or message was to Sharada or perhaps the last one – either way, Sharada was attending them the night he lost his father. When the last rites were performed, it was a mandate for a daughter-in-law to perform a certain action, however, Sharada’s role was unclear. A classic situation, here is a woman who has spent six years physically and the rest mentally with a family that owned and disowned her. Sharada did not wait for anybody’s instruction, she just managed to get into one of the sari’s in the house and got herself completely drenched and performed the rites. She didnt bother about the world or the legal implications, for her it was a father, more than her husband’s.
Jai observed Sharada closely and this time he had something else to see. Sharada had changed a lot, she looked younger as she aged (probably a comparison to women who generally look different after two kids); Sharada’s hair were not long, she had started using contact lens, blacks were replaced by purples, unlike her active and to do stamina – she had restrained and would not do anything. Jai’s curiousity was to know if Sharada was married or engaged to be married or still single.
Jai’s immaturity, opportunistic traits, detachment, defense, feeling of someone still attracted to him or yearing for him still existed. He treated Madhuri the same way, just that Madhuri ensured to add salt appropriately in proper places in the right dishes. For Jai it was a bonus point - when Sharada was around, Madhuri yearned for him. The only interesting twist here - that Jai wasnt aware to conclude if Sharada still yearned for him.
All the formalities concluded, with the door open, the day ended at 11.00 pm. Nirmala had drained. The newly weds were very accomodative, they chose to stay back and help Nirmala. Meera and Madhuri were an item, kids around just eased things.
Sharada, if anytime blessed was in this birth for her parents, who were the biggest pillars of support. They understood that their relation with Sharada would be perfect if they stayed away from her and thats exactly what they did. The distance was important for all the individuals in the family. They were happy to know Sharada was okay and living independently. For them a call every month or once in two months was enough. The pain was deep yet fine. Sometimes one has to pay the price for being parents. Children realise it very late. Sharada loved them and didnt want to burden them with her recurring life with the past.
Sharada’s parents bittered and their glands boiled at the very sight of Jai. Like Sharada they had also refused to forgive Jai. Father flashed back the day Jai entered the house and slammed Sharada for being abnormal and shouting on top for not making him a father. Father was a strength and the weakness both, but that day he said “leave him”, he isnt worth a man.
The house was deep asleep, a weary look, Sharada stay awake in her room and she turned her head around to see a shadow approaching her. It was Jai. They were so used to each other, even after years it didnt really make any difference. It was like the same, two people or individuals in a room. The air was same, without tightness. Sharada went back to her position facing the window. Jai with a heavy sigh initiated a dialogue.
Jai: Have I been replaced?
(Sharada: “a long silence”)
Jai: (after a little while) This answer will help me.
(Sharada: “a long silence”)
Jai realised how deep it hurt her and how long. He turned around and as he walked towards the door.
No comments:
Post a Comment