Upbringing & growing up, a permissive mental and physical state.
Anirudh was just about four years old when the world came crashing down; a mother in her late 20's, stood alone with two kids. Completely clue less of the future. She held "a hand" in union, which was no more alive. An accident changed their lives. They all had to live this death.
There are no complaints, yet the "if's" & "why's" of life do not vanish. One succumbs to it. The format looked simpler but deep down the lines were getting thicker, darker and the process of growing was not necessarily from "boy to man", physically yes. The brain machinery requires some lubrication and that is the "emotional" instincts of a human being.
Kids need attention and when they lose it on account of a new born sibling, there are only reactions. Anirudh fled into the bedroom with his baby sister and hit her. Syndicating responsibilities of mother and father was a task; between a toddler and a four year old, a difficult one. Anirudh heard his mother carefully, "this is sister, love her", so, here begins the first stage of compromising. Remember, Anirudh heard it and somewhere the element of "listening" was not happening.
Ghastly is this society and some perceptions in the mind of a single mother. It is important to prove a point and feel proud of it. In an attempt to furnish all facilities the mother's sacrifice is impeccable. She is beautiful, young but will kill her personal directives only to ensure that the "precious tears" of her kids are intact. "Selfish" is a mother and she has the right to be so. The cycle is vicious, a suppression of sorts, a pressure of sorts and unintentionally onto the "other".
Imposed and reposed, the bar kept raising for Anirudh and he had to meet a mother's expectation. Some times for mother, some times for society and some times for himself. A fine difference between self respect and ego, and this is how it develops.
Qualities of women and their company - mother, sister, grandmother, aunts, female cousins etc., made Anirudh acquire intelligence to connect emotionally with people. However, Anirudh sometimes went awry, his "brahmacharyam' was to compulsorily stand few marks away from a "rank holder" and still provide a rationale to be sitting next to him in the same engineering college (designed stubbornness). His interests were not buried yet not flagged. This can be attributed to many things, simple things like access to nurture these skills, lack of exposure by a single mother, who probably decided to go with the popular trend viz a viz taking risks. However, for Anirudh it was structured in his mind that it was absence of a "man" - "a father", else the education graph, the very architecture would have been different.
"Clever" an appropriate word, Anirudh entered a new world of friends and from fading innocence, here was a smart and shrewd mind. Remained a boy, yet struggled to be one of them. He was signed off under sympathy grounds or a person "yet to be grown". He wasn't visible. This only says he wasn't visible. Freedom, a new house spaced in the mind. His honesty, transparency, sometimes adamance tuned his mother to the times. "ing" was the word....
Out at the age of 22, his journey of experiment started. Ideas, art, design were self defined in his mind eventually to change at a lightening speed. His growth was not imposed, his growth was sole discretion. His tryst with girls / women were exactly like any other person at that age. Friendship, that has action, dating girlfriends, flings, that inclination towards metro sexuality, sometimes approached by gays, all was going perfect.
Some blessings, perhaps protected or showered by his father happened, in spite of a difficult beginning, the journey had less hiccups. Responsibilities took back seat, the only one concern that keeps the mother nagging. Money was not the issue but the "thought" in the sub conscious mind to do something as an adult for the family were on top of the mind. However, dreams were more important than duties.
Venturing out - cars, technologies, gadgets, travel destinations, fashion, food, versatility of life took over. Meeting, knowing people were among top of the list. And simultaneously here was growing a designer for the future world. And whenever he felt that his experiential tour was getting braked, there were people to support with encouraging words helped him walk through.
A case in point here: an entry by a beautiful Venezuelan beauty biologically boosted his genes, the enjoyment was intoxicating & continuous. Before it could lead into a guilt trip, the phase was handled and construed to be a "masturbation process" as opposed to any significant connection.
But then everyone loses it, and Anirudh lost it - a time of no job, no money, no house, no focus, no responsibility; as said in earlier notes - "Time", Anirudh had lot of time and this time it was 24/7 and an era of internet and computers. There was no stopping for him. A conversation, an SRK style intervention over the net let him lose it and this time it was his "heart".
Diya, exactly a replica of Anirudh; she was god-meant, god-sent, soul partner. A beginning of an internet love story, seven seas away yet so close.
Anirudh was just about four years old when the world came crashing down; a mother in her late 20's, stood alone with two kids. Completely clue less of the future. She held "a hand" in union, which was no more alive. An accident changed their lives. They all had to live this death.
There are no complaints, yet the "if's" & "why's" of life do not vanish. One succumbs to it. The format looked simpler but deep down the lines were getting thicker, darker and the process of growing was not necessarily from "boy to man", physically yes. The brain machinery requires some lubrication and that is the "emotional" instincts of a human being.
Kids need attention and when they lose it on account of a new born sibling, there are only reactions. Anirudh fled into the bedroom with his baby sister and hit her. Syndicating responsibilities of mother and father was a task; between a toddler and a four year old, a difficult one. Anirudh heard his mother carefully, "this is sister, love her", so, here begins the first stage of compromising. Remember, Anirudh heard it and somewhere the element of "listening" was not happening.
Ghastly is this society and some perceptions in the mind of a single mother. It is important to prove a point and feel proud of it. In an attempt to furnish all facilities the mother's sacrifice is impeccable. She is beautiful, young but will kill her personal directives only to ensure that the "precious tears" of her kids are intact. "Selfish" is a mother and she has the right to be so. The cycle is vicious, a suppression of sorts, a pressure of sorts and unintentionally onto the "other".
Imposed and reposed, the bar kept raising for Anirudh and he had to meet a mother's expectation. Some times for mother, some times for society and some times for himself. A fine difference between self respect and ego, and this is how it develops.
Qualities of women and their company - mother, sister, grandmother, aunts, female cousins etc., made Anirudh acquire intelligence to connect emotionally with people. However, Anirudh sometimes went awry, his "brahmacharyam' was to compulsorily stand few marks away from a "rank holder" and still provide a rationale to be sitting next to him in the same engineering college (designed stubbornness). His interests were not buried yet not flagged. This can be attributed to many things, simple things like access to nurture these skills, lack of exposure by a single mother, who probably decided to go with the popular trend viz a viz taking risks. However, for Anirudh it was structured in his mind that it was absence of a "man" - "a father", else the education graph, the very architecture would have been different.
"Clever" an appropriate word, Anirudh entered a new world of friends and from fading innocence, here was a smart and shrewd mind. Remained a boy, yet struggled to be one of them. He was signed off under sympathy grounds or a person "yet to be grown". He wasn't visible. This only says he wasn't visible. Freedom, a new house spaced in the mind. His honesty, transparency, sometimes adamance tuned his mother to the times. "ing" was the word....
Out at the age of 22, his journey of experiment started. Ideas, art, design were self defined in his mind eventually to change at a lightening speed. His growth was not imposed, his growth was sole discretion. His tryst with girls / women were exactly like any other person at that age. Friendship, that has action, dating girlfriends, flings, that inclination towards metro sexuality, sometimes approached by gays, all was going perfect.
Some blessings, perhaps protected or showered by his father happened, in spite of a difficult beginning, the journey had less hiccups. Responsibilities took back seat, the only one concern that keeps the mother nagging. Money was not the issue but the "thought" in the sub conscious mind to do something as an adult for the family were on top of the mind. However, dreams were more important than duties.
Venturing out - cars, technologies, gadgets, travel destinations, fashion, food, versatility of life took over. Meeting, knowing people were among top of the list. And simultaneously here was growing a designer for the future world. And whenever he felt that his experiential tour was getting braked, there were people to support with encouraging words helped him walk through.
A case in point here: an entry by a beautiful Venezuelan beauty biologically boosted his genes, the enjoyment was intoxicating & continuous. Before it could lead into a guilt trip, the phase was handled and construed to be a "masturbation process" as opposed to any significant connection.
But then everyone loses it, and Anirudh lost it - a time of no job, no money, no house, no focus, no responsibility; as said in earlier notes - "Time", Anirudh had lot of time and this time it was 24/7 and an era of internet and computers. There was no stopping for him. A conversation, an SRK style intervention over the net let him lose it and this time it was his "heart".
Diya, exactly a replica of Anirudh; she was god-meant, god-sent, soul partner. A beginning of an internet love story, seven seas away yet so close.
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