Anirudh turned up four times in ten months, unaware & scared to communicate. Sharada now wanted to listen to his decision than his ambiguity.
Sharada’s poem followed by a spiteful law and order driven mail pricked Anirudh’s conscious; Sharada wanted her dignity in some form or other. A token to restore it, a paper to seal, a promise to continue or break it up! Her faith was hanging that Anirudh “loved her” and did not want to sue him, in spite of persuasion from friends.
“Humanitarian Grounds” somebody close to Anirudh whispered - on humanitarian grounds. Sharada wasn’t broke anything more than this.
Reality: It turned out to be that Anirudh never loved Sharada. He wanted to irk Diya and came back to Sharada on his birthday. But things were not working fine and only to make Diya feel more jealous, he got physically intimate to Sharada. But this is all; he wanted to stop it there. Because he was almost close to getting there with Diya once he flew to Germany.
Unaware of all this, Sharada was coming back to him and this made him feel guilty and on “humanitarian grounds” Anirudh continued to keep her happy and whilst it was against his heart and mind, he was throwing tantrums. Sharada’s patience baffled him, so he continued to use every other method – from insults to physical abuses - but she kept hanging there. Pregnancy was not a matter because he had put his guilt on God. And finally when Sharada encountered his mails to Diya all the time she was around along with her pictures secretly taken, it shattered her.
Sharada liberated Anirudh; one last time she laid there on his laps only to realize every feeling as insignificant as it could be only to know the truth that Anirudh never ever loved her.
Sharada, an emotional fool.
“A note from Sharada’s personal diary
obviously he doesn’t love
obviously he isn’t going to marry
obviously he knows for sure he has hurt me
obviously he knows that he doesn’t want to hurt me more
obviously he feels that he cant keep me happy
obviously he isn’t that happy with me
obviously he isn’t trustworthy
obviously he knows am older and not the one he wants in life
obviously he cant get hurt because he does not deserve me
obviously there are better girls in life
obviously she is the perfect women
obviously if not for me he wouldnt have ditched her
obviously if not for diya he wouldnt have come to me
obviously he wanted somebody to show his irritation
obviously he wanted somebody to show his anger
obviously he wanted to show his helplessness for not getting what he wanted
obviously he was disappointed
obviously he isnt me
obviously he found solace
obviously I pulled him down
obviously I was a dictator
obviously I am not him
obviously I didnt keep him happy
obviously I can get hurt because I want him
obviously I killed myself
obviously he killed me
at no point he will be able to justify his act
at no point will he say he is guilty even if he is
may be he also feels he is guilty
he cannot prove anything right because
obviously he cant convince me GOD!
I am responsible for whatever happened
He never said he loves me
I said I love him
He never said he will marry me
I said I would like to marry him
He never said he is committed
I said if he isn’t then I will leave him
He never said he had sex with me
I asked him if he did
He said he never used me
I asked him if he is using me
He initiated, I flowed
He abused, I allowed
He authored, I wrote
He liked, I joined
He hated, I cried
He left, I waited
He told it will get complicated
I told him if it is so then we should not complicate
Outcome:I lost my virginity, I lost something born"
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